Wednesday, May 17, 2017

Twelve Years, Give or Take.

Twelve years ago or so, I winked at a guy on Sure, winking's kind of a wimpy way of getting a guy's attention. But for me, I was practically throwing myself at him. I'm subtle that way. My flirting capabilities have barely evolved from running up and punching the boys I liked on the playground.

Despite the fact that I had no photo on my profile (amateur), this incredibly dashing and intelligent lawyer responded to me. He said it was my wit that attracted him. I had written a rather insane profile, in which I listed all my likes in dislikes in the most absurd fashion.

"You're a smart ass," he wrote. "I like that."

He also added that he shared my various likes and dislikes, including a seething distrust of old ladies.

"In fact," he wrote. "I just splayed an old blue hair across the sidewalk this morning on my way into the office."

The man called me a smart ass in his opening remarks and then used the word "splayed." I think we can all agree I was pretty much toast.

We crashed into each other for a year and a half. Our relationship was intense and joyous. I don't think either one of us had experienced that kind of connection. Over-the-top. Hilarious. Adventurous. Easy. And oh-so-very chatty. Sitting with Fred was like sitting with my long-lost best friend. We talked for hours over dinner. For hours late into the night and early morning, our legs tangled together, with me pounding my fist into the mattress from laughing so hard. Ridiculous and passionate and somehow we each felt we'd met our match.

Until we broke up.

*Record scratch*

I know. That's not how this story was supposed to go. What can I tell you other than when we first met, we were both fresh out of relationships that had left us reeling? Our lives were complicated and we were still disentangling ourselves from the wreckage. It's not an unfamiliar story and it's often the story of the rebound relationship.

But this didn't feel like a rebound.

"Sometimes the best love stories don't have happy endings," my sister told me. And it rang true. It continued to ring in my ears for almost a year while we were apart. Until I decided to get him back, of course.

So I chased after that boy and punched him in the arm again.

Wouldn't you know, the sucker came back.

We're coming up on the twelfth anniversary of meeting each other. If you want to get complicated, you can't really say it's our twelfth anniversary because there's that whole ten months where we both dated other people.


But twelve years ago, I winked at a guy on and he was funny and lovely and he set my world back to shining again. I felt smart and witty and wonderful and strong. He propped me back up, put a spit shine on me, and set me back out into the world. Not quite a new woman, but back to the woman I was before a bad relationship had stripped me down to nothing.

And isn't that something?

Happy Not-Anniversary, Fred. I love you a lot.


  1. When it's not right, nothing you do will make it happen. When it's right, there's not a single thing you can do to stop it. You make me hopeful. Happy Anniversary!

  2. You are very lucky to have Fred—funny, charming, sincere. He didn't do so bad, either.

  3. Back in my *cough, cough* MySpace years, I too was reeling from a busted marriage when I found a community of intelligent misfits putting their hopes, dreams, and failures out there for all to read. I still feel like I "know" so many people that I haven't actually met (and many that I have)! You are one of those people and one of my favorites. I loved your writing from the first blog I read. You can make me laugh and cry sometimes within the same sentence. Although, truth be told, I thought you were much older than you actually were. At first I thought you were an old hippie because you wrote as "Buddha Mama". Ha!

    I must have come to know you during your "break". You wrote about your not-so-successful dating, your past, and your ups and downs as a single mother of the wonderful "Cracky" but then "Dirty Jesus" started showing up. I didn't know what was going on but there was something about that guy that totally turned you on! Of course, "Dirty Jesus" (who I also loved reading) turned out to be Fred. Fred and your online flirting was usually profane, always hilarious, and definitely hawt! I backed out of many a conversation thread during that time feeling I was a becoming that friend you brought to a party because you didn't want to go alone but when you ended up with that cute guy you wished would disappear. In other words I felt like Barb from Stanger Things!

    Soon you revealed the story of Mandy and Fred and got back together with the love of your life! What a thrill to watch a love story unfold! I was so happy for you and it definitely gave me hope.

    So, ok, I also know it's not perfect and living happily ever after takes a lot of work but together you brought Grace into the universe and she is my favorite show on Facebook! I'll always be rooting for you, Fred, and your family!

    Happy Dozen Years!

  4. All the cool kids marry Freds. What a wonderful story, well-told. You rock. -Martha

  5. Still crazy after all these years... glad you two made it. - Capt. Mobius

  6. 12 years?!!!???? Twelve YEARS!!!!!?????? What?! No, but wait, that was back in the 00's, so minus this, carry the one, and.... Time flies!!!!! Congrats you crazy kids! It is a treat to see love like yours.

  7. I'm happy for you and yours...I first read your blog on MySpace (2005 or early 2006) and have enjoyed every word. Thanks for sharing and wishing you and your family continued happiness.

  8. So great. So happy for you two. Thank goodness for online dating. :)