Monday, January 2, 2017

Dry January and Magical Thinking

My refrigerator after The Great Purge of 2017.


Last year I participated in "Dry January." I didn't know it was a thing-thing, like with an official name and everything. I just figured I'd take the month of January off from drinking and try to go Paleo. I lost ten pounds.

I drank and ate my way through the other eleven months of 2016. So I've got that going for me. I mean, if I was looking to gain fifteen pounds, that is.

Here's where I embark on my second annual Dry January with a Modified Paleo Diet on the side. For the past two days I have consumed no booze and have eaten no Cheez-It baked snack crackers. I'm not sure what my life will be like without red wine and Cheez-Its, but I'm thinking it will feature striking cheek bones and jeans that don't rip when I'm jumping up and down to jam myself into them.

I've been yo-yo dieting since I was approximately 14 years old, with an eating disorder thrown in there for good measure. Since I've been in recovery from an eating disorder for the past 15 years or so, I've still yo-yo dieted but without the puking.

*Rimshot*

Sorry, I imagine Bulimia humor has a rather niche audience.

Anyway, I've yo-yo'ed up and down about 15 to 20 pounds over the years. It goes something like this:

1. I realize my pants don't fit.
2. I hire a personal trainer, quit eating carbs and lose 15 lbs.
3. I look amazing, buff, fit and fabulous.
4. I get tired of paying for a personal trainer and decide I can do it on my own.
5. I stop working out.
6. I believe I am "naturally thin" and start eating carbs again.
7. I gain 15 lbs.
8. Repeat.


Can someone please remind me in the spring that I am not in fact naturally thin? If you see me, just smack the bag of Cheez-Its out of my hands.



13 comments:

  1. I tried being bulimic but it made my throat really bad at singing. So it was a short term affair because I couldn't stand not being the best alto in my section. Singing actually saved me in many ways.

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    1. You have to be pretty self-destructive to tolerate it. I'm glad you had singing.

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  2. I did dry February because January is way too long of s month. I hopd for less feelings of anxiety, better sleep habits, more energy, and weight loss. The only thing I got was extreme anger I couldn't drink vodka and the overwhelming desire to EAT ALL THE SUGAR. (Usually my sugar intake is very low.) It was a bitter disappointment/relief because fuck doing that again.

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    1. Haha. You are better at planning than I am.

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  3. I could survive happily on a Paleo diet...if I just had someone to do the shopping and cooking. *dredges a Limited Edition Pumpkin Cranberry Whole Grain Corner Tortilla Chip with sprouted flax and quinoa through Cranberry Thyme Chicken Salad and calls it a night*.

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    1. Ha! I do a "Modified Paleo Diet" which really means, "Please just stop eating all the carbs and starches, for the of god" diet.

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  4. Hi Mandy,
    How lucky you are, You have a built in News Years Resolution.
    So many of us make them and never follow through. You have
    set a new standard for all us.
    Sincerely, Richard
    P.S. This first post of the new year shows the 'fog of writers block has lifted', hope it's gone with the wind.

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    Replies
    1. It seems to have lifted, thus far. *Fingers crossed!*

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  5. See, I would smack the bag of Cheez-Its out of your hand and straight into my own mouth and that wouldn't be good for anyone.

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  6. I'm on the broken heart-never get involved with the bartender in a small town-perforated eardrum nausea food disgusts me-the second virus settled in my lungs all night coughing ab work out body shaping plan. It's not going to be easy to continue to afford this many cigarettes and I may need to start drinking at home but it's actually looking damn good if you're into under eye circles.

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    Replies
    1. Sounds like good blog material.

      *Glares at you*

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  7. This comment has been removed by the author.

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