Tuesday, November 12, 2013

Masters of Sex: It's For Science.

My husband and I have been watching the new television series on Showtime, "Masters of Sex." The show is about the ground-breaking work on human sexuality conducted by Dr. William Masters and his research assistant and partner Mrs. Virginia Johnson. The show, which takes place in the 1950s, portrays Mrs. Johnson as a young, attractive divorcee who is sexually comfortable with herself.

"Sexually comfortable" does her little justice, actually. Early on in the show, she's attracted to a handsome, young doctor whom she proceeds to have sex with in multiple positions, in multiple ways, in multiple orifices. She's perfectly happy to have mind-blowing sex with this young man and then ask him to leave right after. No spending the night. No meeting her children. No dinners or roses. She leaves him crawling after her, begging her to be his girlfriend. 


"No thanks," she says. And so she has sex with someone else.


Then there's Dr. Masters. A real cold fish. A bow-tied dweeb. A brisk, selfish ass lacking in any social skills. He's all about the science and conveys zero interest in fucking anything, including his attractive young wife, who's practically begging him to shove it to her.


Before long it's clear that he has something for Mrs. Johnson. He mentions Jonas Salk, who took one for the Polio Cause by injecting himself with his own experimental vaccine. 


"Perhaps we should do the same," he says to his ambitious young research assistant. "For science."


And she, after overcoming significant misgivings, eventually decides to relent … for the good of humanity, her career or her own strange chemistry for the odd doctor. I can't say I'm quite sure which it is or if it's all three. But they begin having sex and taking down their data as a part of the study.


By the time Dr. Masters and Mrs. Johnson finally strip down, paste some electrodes to their bodies, and do the nasty "for science," we're pretty amused with the good doctor's lackluster performance. After their rather quick research session in which the doctor has an orgasm (after announcing his various stages of arousal in a monotone voice, "Arousal," "Plateau," "Orgasm," etc.) the two scientists check the results from the data they've collected on their heart rates and physical responses.

As they try to impassively survey their own sexual responses,  it is then that Dr. Masters realizes that while he had an orgasm, Mrs. Johnson had none. This is definitely not a situation where you can fake it, my friends. And it can't be easy (even for a scientist!) for a man to survey the raw data that he failed to get his partner off. Although Dr. Masters is indeed a scientist, he is also a man with an ego.


The next research session is more successful and we discover that not only did he have an orgasm, she had two. And one of them was simultaneous to his! My god! He's some kind of sexual prodigy as well!


(Good for her, really. But wow. Synchronized orgasms? That was fast. Do they have any female writers on this show?)


But again, even during this session, Dr. Master's robotically intones, "Plateau" while he is humping away on poor Mrs. Johnson and then repeats the same monotone announcement of "Orgasm" while he orgasms.


It's the most unintentionally hilarious thing ever. I told my husband that he has to start announcing what stage he's at during our lovemaking sessions. But the key is, he can't shout it out. He's got to say it in a totally bored and monotone "I'm doing this for science" voice.


It's given my husband a whole new way to seduce me too.


"Hey baby. You wanna have sex? It's for science."


"It's for science" is now our rallying cry for anything perverted.


"You wanna wear giant bear costumes and act like furries? It's for science."


"You wanna drill this sex swing into our ceiling and give it a swing? It's for science."


"How about I wear a strap-on tonight, dear? It's for science."


I can tell you right now, this will never get old for me. Thank you, Masters and Johnson. For all you did for science. And for my amusement.





P.S. I'd like to thank my own research assistant and partner, my husband Frederick, who helped write and edit this piece.

18 comments:

  1. I am so obsessed with this show. I am panting for Sunday nights!

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    1. I have to admit, they had me with "Sex."

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  2. HAHHA..it's for science! That is awesome. Don't tell my husband that, though..it's all I would ever hear again.

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    1. Can I have his email address? It sounds like he would enjoy my blog.

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  3. I have been DVRing it but I haven;'t watched it yet. I have been reading really positive reviews.

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    1. It gets better each episode too. I find it very compelling.

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  4. Now I want to watch the show just so I too can start using the "science" line.

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  5. Loved this, but by far, tittering at "(Good for her, really. Bow wow. Synchronized orgasms? That was fast. Do they have any female writers on this show?)"

    Hehehe.

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  6. True story: I know the actress who plays Dr. Lillian DePaul on the show. She's a good friend of my cousin, and even though she's slept on my couch (many, many years ago), we never did anything sciencey other than drink a lot.

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    1. That is scientific. Chemical reactions and what not.

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  7. Hope it's better than the movie. More boobies?

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  8. LOL @ it's for science. I'm going to use that too!

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  9. Hmm, I actually am a scientist. It says so right on my degree. And yet never once, not even in labs in college, have I had the opportunity to do this sort of research for science. I must have chosen the wrong specific field of science, which would be just about perfect for my long tradition of failure. But I do suddenly have an interest in this show. I'll have to get it on Netflix or something, though, because I don't get Showtime.

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  10. Hmmmm, I wonder if we get this station.

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  11. I watch the show and have to admit he must have found her G-Spot because I can't imagine getting turned on by that voice. I'd be making a to-do list in my head with all that time of sweet talk.

    Also, didn't you find it strange that once she got promoted she was willing to be a participant with him?

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