Wednesday, October 30, 2013

Winning at Parenting.

My three-year-old daughter and I have been taken out this past week by a nasty case of Bubonic Plague. Or Croup. Or RSV. Or Adenovirus. I don't know. Take your pick. We have both been sneezing, hacking and coughing like the tuberculosis wing of a hospital in an Irish short story.

So the other day,  my daughter walked into the kitchen. She looked pathetic and adorable in her pink jammies in the middle of the day. I looked less adorable in my sweats and my sicklady top-knot. We had matching red noses and chapped lips. We both looked slightly bleary eyed and confused. I was drinking hot tea. She was carrying her little pink doll, "Baby," the doll who goes everywhere with her. Her brow was furrowed and she was rubbing a spot on Baby's forehead.

"Oh shit," she said. "I sneezed on Baby's head."

I made a note to myself to talk to my husband about our language. But at that moment, I just wanted to douse that Baby with some Windex.


No more F-bombs and I mean it!

Parenting. I'm winning at it.

32 comments:

  1. LOL that's adorable and hilarious. And I'm also a bit worried - the Bubonic Plague is making a comeback? I'm all for the oldies and such but c'mon

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    1. It's fine. Leeches are also making a comeback so we are in good hands.

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  2. I would advise dousing both babies with Lysol, but still, great story to tell.

    I'm told one of my first phrases was "Goddamn dog" because my grandma used to say it to her dog when it jumped on the couch. My mom was thrilled.

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  3. LMAO.... had you caught that on video, it would have gone viral in no time. No pun intended with viral. And hope you both feel better.

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    1. I'm glad I don't have video evidence of it. I like my parenting shortcomings to be relieved as charming anecdotes.

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  4. Can you hear me laughing from my office right now?!?!?!

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  5. You changed your hair again! Well, I don't have any kids so there isn't a lot I can say (story of my life now.) It's cute and yet I can see how it would concern you. And your little girl is cute, too. Or am I a total idiot and that photo isn't you or your girl, cuz I was looking at the photo and saying to myself "Mandy looks different." Sometimes I can be really dumb.

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    1. That picture is from this summer, pre-brunification.

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  6. OMG, that made me laugh out loud.

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    1. She's such a sweet little cherub too. SIGH.

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  7. I think you should be commended, she used the phrase properly. Besides, little kids that swear are freakin hilarious.

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  8. I agree with Strickler--as long as the context is right, rock on. Oh, and not in Church.

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    1. We don't go to church and we're allowed to swear in temple. So rock on.

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  9. My buddy has your angel beat by a long shot. I'm laughing as I type. He told me when he was three, he was in the car with his parents pulling out of the driveway after visiting his grandparents. His mom and dad yelled goodbye out the window. He yelled, "Goodbye Fuckers!"

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  10. Love it!! One of my friends said the other day his 5-year-old walked into the living room and said: It's a fucking mess in here.
    Just kills me. Also: I am doomed to be that parent whose child teaches all the other children at school to curse, and probably everything they will ever need to know about vaginas and penises.

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    1. So far as I know she hasn't brought her potty mouth to school. Thank god.

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  11. That is hilarious. When my niece was little, she was sitting on the toilet one time and my sister heard her yell out, exasperatedly, "What the hell did I eat?!" If memory serves, she had red peppers in her poop...

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  12. Once beeped at a car that cut me off, only to hear my daughter from the back seat "Asshole!"

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    1. Haaaa! The car is the worst. Parents can't be held responsible for what comes out of their mouths in traffic.

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  13. The Bubonic Plague made her do it. It's a common side effect.

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    1. Oh thank goodness. I thought it was me.

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  14. My kid was riding her bike, had trouble getting over a bump in the road, and said, "Fuckin' bump." You're totally winning.

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  15. A friend of mine was a member of a conservative Church of Christ. One Sunday in the middle of the service one of the deacon's little girls was acting up and wouldn't stop talking and jumping around. After warning her several times the deacon reached over and swatted her leg. Right there in the middle of the service, in a pause in the preacher's sermon, the girl shouted "OOOOOOOW SHIT! That HURT!"

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    1. AH HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

      That is all kinds of awesome.

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  16. That's awesome. She has a brilliant command of the words that are important. You definitely WIN!

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