Wednesday, July 3, 2013

That's Ms Award-Winning Humorist To You, Mister.



Self-promoting and putting yourself out there makes me extremely uncomfortable. In my little heart of hearts, I'm sometimes afraid that I'm just a no-talent ego-maniac who is so blinded by my own delusional ambition to be a writer that I can't see what a fool I'm making of myself. And then I alternate to not giving a damn and embracing the delusion. I mean, you can't write without an ego. So what if I'm an ego-maniac? I love me!

*Hugs self.*

This is my way of rather shame-facedly admitting that I entered a contest even though it pained me to do so. They announced the winners the other night and I rather forlornly clicked the link to scan all of the names that would not be mine. I braced myself to pour a glass of wine and curse all the talentless hacks who had won while my greater talent lay unremarked and unloved in the gutter of loser writers.

Only that didn't happen.

Instead I scanned down the list and holy crap I saw my own name. Seeing it coursed through me like a lightening bolt and I recoiled from the computer screen as though physically shocked.

THIS VALIDATES EVERYTHING GOOD IN THE WORLD, I thought, modestly.

Then I texted my husband who was upstairs to tell him I was a winner.

I know. That's not normal at all. I mean, I couldn't walk up the stairs and shout at him: "OHMYGOD I WON SOMETHING! I WON! I'M A WINNER! WINNER WINNER CHICKEN DINNER!" and then I could have done a small demonstrative jig or something. I totally missed that opportunity due to technology-induced laziness.

I almost never miss the opportunity to do a victory dance or to at least flap my hands about wildly.

Later, while we were lying in bed and I was still basking in the in the glow of my disbelief and genuine humility in the face of actually winning a contest of some sort, the significance of the moment finally hit me.

"Wait a minute," I said.

"What?" my husband said.

"Do you know what this means?"

"No. What?" he lay completely still beside me and waited for my great revelation.

"This means that I am an award-winning humorist. I won an award for being funny!"

"Oh god, no..." he started but I wouldn't let him steal my moment.

"It's official! The gods have spoken! I am the funny one in this relationship. Me! Funny! Decided on by judges and panels from around the country! Award-winning funny, motherfucker! Do you hear me?" I thrust my fists up towards the ceiling in a symbol of gracious victory.

"There will never be an end to this," my husband groaned.

"No, this is a good thing. We don't have to argue any more. There is no more grand competition of who's the funniest person in this relationship. It's been settled once and for all. We can go on with our lives with the peace of mind of knowing that the answer to this most-important question has been provided to us. It's a gift from god, really. I'm the funny one. And scene...." I did an elaborate flourish with my hands and pretended to bow towards the imaginary throngs of my admirers.

"Then I get to be the best arguer in the relationship," he said, referring to some legal career accolades bullshit.

"Fine, fine. Whatever," I said and waved him off with my hilarious hand gestures.

"It means I win all arguments ever."

"Fine. You win your little arguments. I'll just be hilarious while I'm wrong. It's cool."

He sighed heavily in bed next me.

"My god, you must feel so lucky to have such a hilarious wife."

"Oh yeah. Real lucky," he said.

"Yeah," I said and smiled in the dark, then dreamed the dreams of an award-winning humorist. Which is basically just like the sleep of angels.



* * *


To see the complete list of this year's BlogHer Voices of the Year, please click this link and read the hilarious and thought-provoking posts submitted by all of this year's winners.




* * *

All kidding aside, I am genuinely shocked and honored to be one of the BlogHer Voices of the Year. It's really quite lovely to share this little corner of the cyber universe with all of you. Thanks for your encouragement and kind words. I really appreciate it and am humbled by the time you take to spend with me here. 

Bow!

39 comments:

  1. Award-winning funny, motherfucker

    I love this post. So very very much. I'm trying to keep my snickers to a minimum as I'm supposed to be hard at work but it's not working out. I've had two people glance my way already.

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    1. I love that you love it so very much. And I'm glad I distracted you from work. Work is for suckers.

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  2. I was very excited for you when I saw the news on your Facebook. You totally deserve it Mandy. And I've always thought of you as a humorist, so I don't see what the big deal is at home, although that hub of yours is indeed damn funny. I've told you this before, and I'll tell you again. You were the inspiration for me to start blogging, way back in the MySpace days. I had messaged you because you told a story that reminded me of a funny story about my mom's crooked witch finger. You encouraged me to blog it so I did. Ever since then I have found that I love writing and I hope to be a real writer like you do someday. So congratulations again - I bet this is the first of many accolades. And also again, thank you for being such a great influence even if you didn't realize it. Cheers!!

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    1. Awww. That’s seriously so cool. 

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    2. Seriously you are so nice! And I'm so glad I wasn't an asshole to you back in those MySpace days. I love your writing and I think you are hilarious, as you know. And your parents are a rich source of material for you to this day. How funny!

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  3. I don't really understand the whole BlogHer thing, but congrats on winning a major award!

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    1. Thanks. It's just nice to be nominated. You should submit some of your funny shit next year. You are most definitely award-winning funny! We could form some kind of club to annoy my husband even further.

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  4. "I'm sometimes afraid that I'm just a no-talent ego-maniac who is so blinded by my own delusional ambition to be a writer that I can't see what a fool I'm making of myself."

    I call that the American Idol Audition Dissolution Syndrome. You know, there are those poor kids whose families and friends have told them for years, "Oh honey, your voice is beautiful! You should pursue your dream of being a singer! Spend all your time and money trying to become a famous rock star!" But, they get to the auditions only to find out that they're the joke auditions included on the show to make the viewers at home laugh. So, everyone can say, "Yeah kid, don't quit your day job."

    I fear that I have AIADS with several of the "talents" that I'm pursuing. But, that's what is great about the internet. It's more honest and unbiased than friends and family who don't want to hurt your feelings (I'm not saying your friends and family are those kind of people. But those kind of people are why AIADS exists).

    All that said, here I am, an unbiased asshole nobody on the Internet who is telling you truthfully that your writing is great! Honestly! You're brilliant at it. Keep putting yourself out there, girly! Good things are going to happen!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I think you nailed it on the head. No one wants to be that kid screeching his heart out at American Idol.

      And thank you for your kind words. I think I'm in this writing thing 'til the bitter end.

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  5. So proud of you, Mandy...I always knew you were the funny one, in any relationship!

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    Replies
    1. Thanks, Toni! I'll be sure and let Fred know!

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  6. I keep trying to explain to my husband that I am funny, but he doesn't seem to believe me. Perhaps I'll enter a competition to prove it! In truth, you really are funny, besides being a brilliant writer. Congrats my dear!

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    Replies
    1. Thank you! Just send your husband over here and I'll tell him that you're funny.

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  7. Hand gestures. In the dark. THAT'S funny!

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    Replies
    1. Lighting doesn't impact my need to talk with my hands.

      ;-)

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  8. Congratulations on your well-deserved award. And thanks for the link to other winners; I think I'll spend a few minutes (hours?) checking out some of them just for fun. And humor. And inspiration.

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    Replies
    1. I read through all the Humor writers and found some new favorites!

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  9. Funny how? Like a clown? Like you're here to amuse us?

    (translation: congrats, dude.)

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    Replies
    1. Haaaaaa!

      I am here to amuse you. You know that.

      Delete
  10. I wrote a post about telling my husband and also had a victory dance. He was not as excited as he should have been. Congrats - very funny and well-deserved :) ~ Cindy, Award Winning Humorist

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    1. This is a shame. A victory dance is a glory to behold.

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  11. I'm not shocked or surprised at all Mandy Fish, Award-Winning Humorist. Congratulations! Plus you called your husband "Mother Fucker" all in the same moment, so really, how could you EVER be a loser, like eva!

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    Replies
    1. Thank you. You know I like to sully up my squeaky clean image every once in a while.

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  12. Okay...I'm just going to say that I'm so happy I entered that little contests because I'm quickly falling in blog-love with several of my fellow honorees. YOU included!

    You crazy funny, lady. And I started crying reading your piece about getting your difficult chapter of your memoir completed. I feel your pain, sister.

    So looking forward to having a cocktail and digging into your blog tonight.

    Signed,

    Jenny, Award Winning Humorist (I'm not super original)

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    Replies
    1. Thanks! Hope you manage to get your funny ass to Chicago!

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  13. Well Congratulations, Award-Winning Blogher. I've always enjoyed your writing. Once, long ago, I won awards for funnyness, too. Funnyness? Or is it funniness? Hmm, Google underlines funnyness, but not funniness, so I'm going with the second one. Anyway, what were were just talking about? Oh yes, my awards for being funny. No, that wasn't it. YOUR award for being funny. Yes, congrats to you. I like your blog and you seem like an immensely likable person, too, which is nice. A funny, likable, nice person often makes for a good blogger. And your blog is good, so clearly I'm right about you. And now you have this official award to prove it. Yes, you are funny. And we like you. We already knew you are funny. But now apparently some foreign body of bloghers somewhere have decided to document and verify what we all knew, that you are funny. :-)

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    1. It's nice to have it stamped with some sort of official seal of approval. And thank you for your confirmation as well!

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  14. Congratulations.

    I think you should make use of the social media outlets that let you post video to share your jig with us... and the world.

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  15. This is SUPER awesome and not surprising at all! Congrats Mandy!

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  16. Can't say I'm surprised. You're not only able to see the humor in something, but able to animate it and relate it in words.

    Conception, execution. Oh, and a snappy title. Done.

    Must be nice. Maybe I can be an editor somewhere...

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  18. I love that the VOTY honor helped cement you as the funny one in your relationship! This post cracked me up, and I can't wait to read more. Thanks for finding me on Twitter. (Kathy from kissing the frog)

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  19. This post more than proves that you deserved to win. :) You are, and will likely always be, a crack up. Keep it coming, sister.

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  20. You have always been one of my faves. Always. Congrats!!

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