Friday, March 22, 2013

The Semi-Nudity of Rick Springfield

I'm going to see Rick Springfield live in concert. I know you are jealous, so you don't even have to say anything. Especially if you grew up in the eighties like I did. "Jesse's Girl" was the anthem for all of us without a boyfriend or girlfriend. Or for those of us with friends who had a really cute significant other for whom we secretly pined. Not that that was me, of course. I don't think any of my friends had boyfriends. We were in orchestra and band, and were generally not considered objects of lust in middle school. Hey, some of us are late bloomers and that's okay.

Rick Springfield was at his zenith of popularity. He was starring on General Hospital as Dr. Noah Drake and just about every girl I knew in elementary school and middle school rushed home to watch it after school. Of course I really preferred watching Johnny Sako and His Giant Robot or Ultraman, but I was trying to learn how to be femme. The whole butch tomboy routine that I'd had going was working against my heterosexuality.

Hello, Doctor.

I liked boys, dammit. And I wanted one to notice me.

Since I wasn't having much luck in the real world, I spent a lot of time fantasizing about rock stars. I had crushes on Tom Petty, Huey Lewis and Rick Springfield. I know, I know. There's no accounting for taste. Maybe it was the quality of their voices? Maybe it was because they were older and I had daddy issues? Whatever it was about these men, they made my heart palpitate just a little bit faster. In fact, I belonged to the Huey Lewis and the News fan club. I wrote letters. I received special fan-club only Christmas cassettes. I was hardcore.

In 1984 Rick Springfield starred in a feature movie called Hard to Hold. All of the television commercials and movie previews featured a lot of shots of Rick Springfield sweaty and semi-nude. It was almost too much for a thirteen-year-old tomboy with no chance of a real-live boyfriend to take.

I didn't get to see the movie in the theaters. I don't know if I couldn't con any adults into taking me or what. Perhaps it was the horrible reviews? But when our new cable television box started offering premium movie channels, I found out that the "Showtime" channel was going to play Hard to Hold.

Oh beautiful, shiny, sweaty man.

I harassed my mother constantly. I begged her. I canoodled. I bamboozled. I must have been convincing because she finally broke down and subscribed. I waited with great anticipation to see Rick Springfield semi-nude and sweaty. If my memory serves correctly, the ultimate scene occurs on a bearskin rug, in front of a fireplace, and Rick Springfield's entire naked ass makes an appearance. As I recall, it was very firm and pert. And sweaty. He was covered in a fine sheen throughout that entire film. They must have had a dedicated mist-sprayer with a bottle of baby oil standing just off screen for the entire filming.

So anyway, this is just to say that my husband has agreed to see my teenage heart throb with me. What makes this even more amazing is that there is a good chance that I will get to see a real-live naked man at the end of the evening. I may even spritz him with baby oil, if he lets me.

Being an adult is awesome.

Tuesday, March 19, 2013

Orange Kitty

Five years ago my son created an orange cat at Build-A-Bear that he named, "Orange Kitty."

Filling orange kitty with stuffing.

He has wanted a real orange kitty ever since, of course. At the time, we lived in an apartment and couldn't have a real pet. Since then, we have moved into a real house and he has collected a baby sister. Despite my pointing out that a baby sister was way better than an orange kitty, and despite the fact that I did get him two pet frogs, my little man still dreamed of having his very own orange kitty.

My friend Julie rescues feral kittens and domesticates them. I thought perhaps if an orange kitty came along that we might adopt one of hers. Which we did. The first time I saw a picture of the orange kitty Julie had rescued, I knew he was the cat for us.

Not too bright, but just right for us.

Sadly, when we adopted orange kitty who my son named Obi-Wan Kenobi, the kitty hid in our basement for about three weeks. I was stressed that we were going to wind up with a cat who hated us. I was sad to think we wouldn't have a kitty to cuddle and shower with affection.

I read everything you could read about domesticating a feral cat. I was almost ready to give up on this cat ever loving any of us when I read that some cats take three months, six months or even years before they decide to accept their humans. But then one day they will show up on your lap and you have a furry friend for life.

When I read that, I knew I would wait for Obi-Wan Kenobi to come to us on his own terms. Well, sort of. Then I spoke to my sister who is the cat whisperer and she said, "You just need to grab him and love him." So I did.

Obi hugging me.

Soon, Obi was not only loving me, but loving everyone in the house. He let Grace love him. Sort of.

Sweet little nonconsensual hugs.

He loved Max whenever the opportunity presented itself.

Opportunistic snuggler.

And he even loves my husband despite the fact that he was not a cat person prior to this. 

It pets the kitty or else it gets the hose again.

Obi has taken on many of our interests now that he's a part of the family. He enjoys gaming with Max.

Obi is rooting for the Detroit Lions in Madden Football.

He enjoys playing with Grace's accessories.

Cat burglar.

And he enjoys keeping an eye on our street.

Obi on neighborhood watch.

Although I do have to admit, some of his hobbies and interests are a mystery to us. The chasing after invisible things for no damn reason and racing around the house confuses us. As does the meowing in the middle of the night. And the begging for food. Cats are strange. We like them that way, of course, as they are endlessly entertaining. But sometimes, when I feel a little paw patting my face at 7:00 a.m. on a Saturday morning because someone thinks it's time for breakfast, sometimes I think he could be a little less interesting.

This is not normal.

Grace certainly seems to agree.

"Look, cat. Only one of us can be the center of attention in this house and it's me."

But it's safe to say that Obi-Wan Kenobi has made cat people of us all. And we've made a people kitty of him.