Thursday, November 15, 2012

Through The Anthropologie Looking Glass

What kind of Anthro-fuckerie is this?
Wait. What?

*Presses hand to forehead*

*Sighs*

I just can't with this, Anthropologie. I mean, my god, your store is just a short walk from my house. I spend too much there when the weather is nice. But it is a love-hate relationship. Sure, I can find pieces that work for me on occasion. But on the whole, the shirts and sweaters run too short for a tall girl. You have too many flouncy and A-line skirts that really don't do anything for a tall girl with an hour-glass figure. (More pencil skirts please.) And yes, every once in a while something fits and oh yes, yes, I buy it. I admit it. I even pay full price.

*Gasp*

So in a way, I had this split-personality sweater coming to me. I feel it might be punishment for wearing a one-sleeved dress the other day. As though I crossed into some nebulous world of cockamamy clothing karma and wtfuckerie from whence I will never return. A Neverland, a Wonderland of sartorial madness.

I think I need a cookie. Or a hug. In a metaphorical hug kind-of-way. I'm from a northern clime and we don't touch each other for god's sake.


Craptastically idiotic, even from the back.

29 comments:

  1. I am equally perplexed by the polka dot pants/jeans. Huh?

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    1. I have walked by the polka dot jeans numerous times. I have been tempted. Torn. I've bitten my lip in the aisle and said, "Should I? Dare I? Non!"

      That is all to say, I am conflicted, once again.

      *Looks ashamed*

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  2. I head to,the sale rack or buy earrings there. And have you ever seen a decent pair of shoes there? Please. Love your bangs!

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    1. Once upon a time I saw a pair of teal high-heeled loafers and it was love, my friend. Sweet, dirty, passionate, irrational, love. Yet still, I did not buy them. Sometimes a love like that cannot be owned.

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  3. It's like they had some leftover material, but not quite enough and they just said, "Fuck it. Let's do the best we can with the scraps. AND still put a huge price tag on it."

    Somewhere out there, some chick is happily wearing that shirt. You just know it. *cringe*

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    1. Let's pray she lives somewhere warm.

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    2. Oh wait. I just saw the sweater buttons. This is a crime against fashion.

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    3. This sweater is a complete mind-fuck.

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  4. Although I love the look of most Anthropologie products (except this shirt because it's stupid), I don't shop there anymore. The owner's stance on pro-conservative/ anti-liberal issues, mostly the financial donations he's made to anti-gay groups, fuels my internal boycotting of all things Anthropologie/ Urban Outfitters.

    And this is how it happens. I've become one of those weird, Debbie Downer commenters. #SoLonely

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    Replies
    1. Nooooooooooooo!

      I didn't know that. SIGH. This just adds to my complicated relationship with Anthro. Great.

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  5. This "top" actually makes me feel kind of motion sick!

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    Replies
    1. Your inner ear realizes it goes against nature.

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  6. that's the dumbest sweater I've ever seen. people sure pay a lot of money to look homeless. anthropologie makes me look like an old woman playing dressup in an eight year-old's clothes.

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  7. I wonder if you can click "get the look" and get redirected to a YouTube video of a girl cutting a sleeve off a sweater with a pair of scissors.

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  8. I agree, craptastically idiotic. I refuse to wear anything with one sleeve. It feels like I am mocking someone. Soon they will be selling trousers with only one leg.. won't we all be super stylish then ?!
    When we lived in Portland, Or, I was a block from a fabulous Anthropologie. You could find me there just about every day of the week, it was a bit too close to the streetcar stop. I couldn't help it, off the train, into the store.
    But now- after living in Argentina for 5 years, I am salivating at the thought of spending a few hours in an Anthropolgie store. Just try to keep me away !!
    besitos, ( if the clothes don't work, I always ended up with cool cups , candles and smelly things)

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    1. Love the candles! They're the Anthro gateway drug.

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  9. She's got a really nice butt, I wouldn't cover that up.

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    1. You have to have an exceptionally good ass to be able to cover part of it and reveal the other and still have it look good.

      *Snaps*

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  10. Snort! Reminds me of LuAnn from Real Housewives of OC. :D

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    Replies
    1. You've been watching too much RH again.

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  11. The A-line dresses don't work either. The waist is too high so I look like a toddler. Dejected, I sit on a couch in the housewares section and pretend I live there.

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    1. They have the same effect on me. I noticed that Katie Holmes is fond of flouncy skirts and A-line silhouettes and she looks like a toddler too. Someone needs to give that poor girl an intervention. I think she's my height too. Basically, we have the same body and I break out in hives every time she puts our body in something unflattering.

      SIGH.

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  12. That shirt actually makes me angry.

    :-)

    Pearl

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  13. I...would try this on. Perhaps wear it if it worked.

    Don't hate me.

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  14. I won't buy this one ever. Look at how it was made. Like they just stitch it on without a care. And the price is too high. Bummer!
    Interactive Presentation

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  15. It's like the sideways mullet of sweaters.

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