Tuesday, November 13, 2012

Manic Pixie Dream Girl Redux.



I got bangs this weekend. It's not the first time. I get bangs all the time. I'm just too lazy to maintain them so they keep growing out. Though this is the shortest they've been in a while. I tried to get the hairstylist to go even shorter, like a picture I saw in a copy of Allure magazine. It was très française. Par example:




But I don't think he really believed I could go that short. But I can and have. I've cut all my hair off multiple times. I've had a super short pixie cut for years on end. I'm not afraid of cutting hair. It grows back and I happen to have a lot of it. Too much, in fact. My two-year-old daughter has hair past the middle of her back. She's bordering on Crystal Gayle territory. I'm just not certain that she will sit still for a haircut, so she wears it up every day. I hope she doesn't start to look like a Duggar.




I came home from getting the haircut and put on a glittery dress for a party. When my husband came home, he said, "You look nice." Then he paused and said, "Did you change your hair?" So that's proof that men do in fact notice women's hair. What I find shocking is that he noticed my hair when I was standing in the kitchen in 4-inch heels wearing this:




By the way, I looked way better in that dress than that model. She's wearing it like she's wearing a venereal disease. I worked the shit out of that dress. We went to downtown Detroit for a birthday party at the MGM Grand. As soon as I got out of the car, there was an old man standing there. He'd just gotten out of his Caddy. He was wearing an overcoat and a hat, dressed up for the night. He gazed up at me, probably 6'2" in my heels, and said through a pair of glaucoma-glazed eyes:

"Damn girl, you look gooooood!"

I laughed and thanked him. Then I walked over to my husband who was standing by the curb.

"That old man was staring at your ass," he said.

"Give the old guy a break. Good for him for still having it in him!" I said. My husband didn't look too convinced by my new-found laissez-faire joie de vivre.


This is apropos of nothing.


I guess a pair of bangs and a glittery dress can do that for you. Change your attitude. Maybe it was the bangs that got me into that dress? I never wear anything above the knee. My entire life I thought I didn't look good in short skirts. Hell, maybe I don't. But I'm too damn old to care anymore and my bangs are too damn fierce to be in a knee-length dress. I need glitter. I need short skirts. Life in bangs just seems to shine, you know?

I left a trail of glitter everywhere I went that night. I leaned up against my husband and I saw the entire left side of his suit sparkling when he went to get me a drink. I left sparkles all over my car. They're still there now. I'm like a magical fairy with a bitchin' pair of pixie bangs instead of wings.

I feel much younger with the bangs. I read that having them can take years off your face. It's like free Botox®. How can I say "Non" to that? I can't. That's what.

My son Max saw my new hair the next morning.

"Can you put your hair back the way it used to be?" he said.

"What do you mean?" I asked.

He reached up and pantomimed pulling his bangs back from his head in a long, luxurious sweep.

"No," I said and glared at him. My husband snickered in the corner.

Later, I drove my son to the pet store to buy the stray cat we adopted more toys so it will love us. I caught him looking at me in the rear view mirror. He was smiling.

"What are you smiling about?" I asked.

"I'm just imagining your hair the way it used to be," he said.

I laughed out loud. I guess the eight-year-old boy isn't as excited about my transformation as I am. But he does know I like to be younger. I tried to explain the Bang Theory of Looking Younger to him but he was unmoved. Later when we were out to dinner, he advised my husband on my age.

"There's one rule about my mom," he said. "You never say her true age."

I may be failing to educate him on how to speak to a woman about her hair, but I hit the nail on the head with this one. He still tells everyone I'm 39.

Which is just about the perfect age for a girl like me. You heard the old man.



39 comments:

  1. You look lovely either way, but I must admit that I hate you a little. I have this ridiculous cowlick thing that prevents me from doing the bang sweep thing or having "pixie-like" bangs. Instead it just kind of sweeps a little and the other side falls to, well, the other side. It's a curse, I tell you, a curse.

    But you look great, and not just for 39 years old ;)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Is it appropriate that I laughed like a mad woman when I read, "I hate you a little."

      I have a cowlick too, but the power of the blowdryer compels it to behave.

      Delete
  2. OK! I just LOVE the bangs on you! You do look great! And I can easily visualize that the dress was sensational on you too. The old man has great taste.

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    Replies
    1. I suspect the old man was legally blind, but I will accept both of your compliments as factual.

      Thank you!

      Delete
  3. Bangs are natures Botox! You look amazing as always. Why is there no photo of you in that stunning dress?? I love that we both decided to go for bangs. I am loving my new look and glad you love yours too. I bet you would look amazing bald too!

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    Replies
    1. If it made me look younger I would try it.

      Delete
  4. The bangs totally work. You look great! But stop calling me an old man... it was the lighting on the street.

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  5. You never wore skirts above the knee? You did a grave injustice to society.

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  6. Having long been deprived the pleasure of hair, I must admit that I am quite put out by your flippant dismissal of a hair cut: "it will grow back". Someday, my friend, someday it won't; and then you will know what it is like to be an 18 year old college boy desperately combing his hair in all directions, hoping to find just the right angle to cover the naked shine of his ever more exposed forehead.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm sorry. That was rather hairist of me.

      Delete
  7. i love the bangs! you look sexy! you are hot! and you should leave more trails of glitter!

    ReplyDelete
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    1. I'm going to incorporate more glitter into my wardrobe. STAT.

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  8. Your bangs are great and they make your perfectly sculpted eyebrows stand out in a fabulous way! I have managed to woo some skittish neighbor kittens with cheese...it works wonders! One of the kittens loves me now and the other is content with me, takes food from my hand, will purr, but still won't let me touch him. Hang in there but get cheese ;)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I will try the cheese! Kitteh must love meh!

      Delete
    2. They only wantz cheezeburger because of the cheeze...kittehs luv cheeze

      Delete
  9. Its funny, I often have trouble with a change in a woman's appearance, particularly if they looked great the old way. And then right when I get used to the new way and dig it, they change it again.

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    1. I think a lot of men are afraid of change. Even in hair color or wardrobe.

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  10. You said: " I'm like a magical fairy with a bitchin' pair of pixie bangs instead of wings."

    And I howled!!! I love you.

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  11. You look good with bangs. Im always too chickenshit to cut my bangs chunky when I do so they end up looking like the rolleed bangs from the 80's

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. LOLZ.

      Remind me not to use a curling iron on them.

      Delete
    2. Conair Infiniti Pro Spin Air Rotating Styler
      It's the shit. You could use it on Ms. Cupid's Bow without worrying about burning her. I love her long hair.:) If I had a little girl I'd definitely grow her hair out. Then again, I was scarred when I was a little girl by people referring to me as "son" due in large to an unforgivable bowl cut.

      Delete
  12. You're gorgeous!! I have issues with hair touching my forehead so I'm afraid I will probably live my life bangless. Which does kinda suck because I have sunspots there I wouldn't mind the world not seeing....

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    1. Thank you. And the way you describe bangs makes it sound creepy and heeby jeeby. No wonder you don't want 'em.

      Delete
  13. I like the bangs on you. They look good. Obviously the old man thinks so too. Go with it girl!

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    Replies
    1. As one bad pixie, I figured you would approve.

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  14. Rock those bad pixie bangs! Bad as in good, mind you. Rawr.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The good bad. Like the good phat. Which is at least spelled different.

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  15. I'm not sure I noticed before the bangs, but you have some of the most beautiful eyebrows I've ever seen. I have total eyebrow envy. Also a bit envious that you're 6' 2" in heels.

    I've never really NOT had bangs. I was blessed with a fivehead instead of a forehead, so I've always tried to use the bangs to cover it. That may be why I still get carded on occasion. Although being hit on by old dudes sounds even more fun than that!

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    1. I had just had the brows done, so that is as good as they get. The pinnacle of browdom, if you will. I thank you for noticing.

      Delete
  16. I love the whole feel of this post: the image of you leaving a sprinkle of sparkles everywhere you went.

    It's a nice visual, even if there are no physical sprinkles some days.

    You're a beautiful woman, either way.

    And that old man did more for you than any $98 bottle of sephora ever could.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I was hoping you would feel my post.

      *Dirty joke*

      Hubba hubba.

      Delete