Monday, February 27, 2012

If a Tree Falls in the Forest and Has the Stomach Flu...

My eight-year-old son threw up twice last night.

I was having a dinner party for friends. Of course. The first time he threw up was just as I was serving dinner to my guests. He puked right there on the kitchen floor. Splat.

"Bon appetit!" said my husband.

Hours later, as the poor boy rested in his bed and we the adults chatted downstairs, I heard the pitter patter of little feet thundering down the stairs. Just as I met up with him in the living room, he splattered the wood floor with his ginger ale.

"Thanks for coming!" said my husband as he ushered our guests out the door.

Later, I tucked my son into bed, stroked his forehead and put a bucket next to his bed.

"Why didn't you run to the bathroom when you felt sick?" I asked. I mean, he had to run past one bathroom and down an entire flight of stairs to reach (or in his case, "miss") the second bathroom.

"Because you can't hear me upstairs," he said.

Which leaves us with a question: If a boy throws up in the toilet upstairs and no one hears him, did he really throw up at all?

I'll leave that for all the eight-year-old philosophers to ponder.


  1. Oh, Hayden had the pukies this week, too, but somehow he has learned to at least TRY to get to the bathroom. I think had we been in your situation, though, he would have felt more secure with me witnessing the vomit.

  2. Ah love, thems the joys of spawning. Good luck....I do hope the dearie is feeling well soon.

    Ps. Bathe in lysol.

  3. Ha! Ick. Poor boy. And I'm sure your guests were super thrilled to bring that stomach bug party favor home...

  4. Well, at least it wasn't a business affair? Yeah, that's all I've got. Puke sucks.

  5. @Carrie: Can I get a witness? Virus edition.

    @Chantel: He seemed pretty perky this morning.

    P.S. Windex.

    @Gia: They were awfully good sports about it. Especially since none of them has children!

    @Megan: It really does blow.

  6. I feel bad laughing at this post, but your storytelling cracked me up! Poor Cracky. I hope he feels better.

    My brother was the only one who had a basement bedroom at my parents' house growing up, and if we ever heard the garbage disposal in the middle of the night it was because he could only make it to the kitchen sink and not down the hall to the bathroom. I think I would have rather had him splat on the floor.

  7. @Mel Heth: He does feel better. And my husband's "Bon Appetit" was particularly well timed.

  8. I totally understanding wanting to be near mom when that time comes, and never mind about guests. I kinda felt the same way last weekend; good thing we had no guests!

  9. Nothing like having your mom to make it all better.

    Glad he is better.

  10. At least no one will forget that dinner party any time soon...

  11. Be glad you have hardwoods. Imagine having to get all that out of absorbent carpeting. I think it's in the kid contract to vomit and/or crap in front of company at least once in their childhood.
    My youngest, moments after grandma and grandpa arrived from the airport for their first-ever, in-person moments with her, got sick the other direction with crap literally oozing out of her pants and socks onto the area rug in our living room.
    We had to throw out the rug.

  12. I remember being his age and getting really sick and barfing in the toilet and feeling really fucking scared. We all just want our mommies.

  13. I puked at one of my parents' dinner parties too once, but I was 27. And drunk. And naked. Hope he feels better soon!

  14. @Blissed Out: That is understandable. But messy.

    @Nice Peace: Ah, parenthood.

    @Logical Libby: Never a dull night.

    @Shirley: We had an incident upstairs all over the carpeting and walls. Picture me with a steam cleaner at 3 a.m.

    @Erin: Oh that's right. I'm the mommy.

    @Lauren: LAUGH! Best comment of the day!

  15. Your husband's remark made me laugh out loud!

    There's such a sinking feeling when one realizes one has oneself become the oft avoided Typhoid Mary of the Dinner Party Set.