Friday, September 2, 2011

Friday Nonsense

Since I have writer's block about my own life, but I'm apparently overflowing with creativity when it comes to popular culture and sex, I'm just going to claw my way through a blog and let it just be terrible, without a clear beginning, middle and end, and possibly a run-on sentence or two.

Things That Happened This Week:

1. Someone posted a passive aggressive note about dirty dishes at work and I have resisted the urge to blog about it because I try not to blog about work. Even though I just did.

2. My son saw his two frogs in their tank and cried out: "Oh look, they're playing piggyback rides!" I could not stop snickering and he kept asking me why. "Piggyback rides are just funny, " I said.

3. My son learned how to ride a bike this week. I have a massive bruise on my leg from my one failed attempt at teaching him. Props to his step-daddy for his dedication and patience in this task. Thanks to him, my son will not enter the second grade without knowing how to ride a bike.

4. I played piggyback ride with my husband a few times this week.

5. I know, that last one was totally inappropriate but it made me laugh yet again.

6. Piggyback rides are comedy gold.

7. I found out that my dentist is going to use me in a paper about how you can create a dramatic difference in your smile without the use of veneers. So, I will basically be a dental superstar. I wonder if they'll want me to do signings and public appearances?

8. My daughter discovered tomato sauce.

9. My husband asked if we could have a few work associates over to our house for a party and now the total "Yes"s are up to 30 people and the "Maybe"s are outstanding at 10. That's 40 potential people, people. We have a small house. I'm considering installing a disco ball and a karaoke machine because what else can you do with that many people in that small of a space? It had better not rain.

10. Do I talk about how awesome my husband is? Is it annoying if I do? I've known the man for six years and I feel like I get to know and understand him more and more with each passing year. I also feel like knowing him and growing with him as a person has enabled me to be a much better person than I ever thought I could be. He inspires me. He makes me laugh. He's truly my best friend. He's good in bed. And he regularly sends me news stories like this:

That's my week, in short. Tell me something that happened to you this week. Or something that didn't happen, but should have. Did you get any piggyback rides?


  1. I had no piggyback rides and thanks for reminding me.

  2. Sadly, there were no piggyback rides. I was out of town on business this week. I was in DC, so I got to see people getting screwed anyway.

  3. Thanks for making what were previously two fun and innocent children activities (piggyback rides and leapfrog) associated with something dirty. How can I let my kids play these games now?

    If the news were filled with more stories about panties and less murder, I might actually watch it now and then.

  4. Sadly, no piggyback rides. Wife was out of town for a few days, then had her out of town aunt visit...

    Wife got a wild hair up her butt that the kids needed loft beds. This resulted in a crazy, Craigslist, U-Haul rental, trip to Dearborn, lug beds upstairs, tear apart all of upstairs, rebuild one of the beds, get mattresses from Ikea weekend extravaganza. Then, the kids spent three days at Grandma and Grandpa's house and their new beds laid empty... sigh. And, I bruised my arm.

    I dunno why, but I wish your son had pet turtles. Cuz the thought of turtles giving piggyback rides really cracks me up.

  5. This is your best work ever.

    Also: I love growing with you as a person. If you know what I mean.

  6. @Lemmonex: Blame the seven-year-old kid. I'm only reporting the week's activities.

    @Danger Boy: LAUGH!

    @Wow: Yeah, I'm sure this is the first time your brain ever encountered the potential filth of leapfrog and piggyback rides.

    @Cary: Who gets the sudden urge for loft beds? That cracks me up.

    @Oink: I somehow knew you would approve this blog.

  7. How come you ignored my second sentence.

  8. @Mandy_Fish

    You're the momma, I thought you'd have some insight for me. It really kind of snowballed out of a desire to get the boy out of the toddler daybed he was in before.

  9. Of course... piggyback rides... that's what produced the term "Porking."

  10. I need a piggy back ride soooooo bad!
    I love that you say nice things about your hubs. So often we use our blogs to bitch and moan... it's nice to remember to talk about who or what rocks!

  11. @Oink: I knew what you meant and you knew I knew what you meant.

    @Cary: I have no insight on sudden urges to buy loft beds. Now if she'd gone on a shoe rampage, we could talk. The last time I went furniture shopping I cried.

    @Bluzdud: I always wondered about that one. Thank you.

    @Mommy Nani Boo Boo: I never bitch and moan about my husband. I like being married and getting piggyback rides.

  12. @Blissed-Out Grandma: Yes, she is! She's almost a year-and-a-half old. I think the tomato sauce really brings out the color in her eyes, don't you?

  13. On #7 I hope you can alert us all when your natural smiling teeth show up in the center-fold of "Tooth & Gums Monthly".

    On #9 My wife asked if we can have the dozen or so relatives who are visiting from Utah. I wonder if the LDS crowd will eat their burgers if they discover they were cooked by an atheist?

    On #10 Yeah, my wife is awesome (except for when she did #9) and that has been going on 26 years now.

    As far as what froggies do and doggies do... nuff said.

  14. From the first time we met, I knew you were a dental superstar.

  15. Piggyback ride last night. Score! I was a dental superstar once. Dentists stood around my noggin' to marvel at the wonderful fillings of my superstar dentist. It was weird. It was even weirder that I felt proud of my fillings.

  16. these were all charmingly fun and some even charmingly hilarious, Mandy :)

  17. I really want to joke about this but I know it will just go all to hell ...Get out of my head Mandy Piggyback ride! )

  18. Purloined panties paraded before the public by pleasure-loving piggyback riders.

    Details at 10:00.

  19. P.S. I'm going through a block myself, and your "sorry attempt" was entertaining and totally worth tuning in for! You give me courage to fear not, and go ahead and dump my own brain, and see what comes out!

  20. I've been piggyback ride-free since mid-July. And I'm a freaking newlywed. Curse the entertainment industry!

    I think it's cute that you write about your husband. I think good relationships should be shared and celebrated. Carry on...

  21. First, you're complexly adorable.


    Your taste in movies, what thrills you, and your kindness: what layers.

    Next: I say, for a party idea, install a video camera on a tripod and have people to Hillshire Farm sausage talk...because sausage talk will always be funny.

    Next: I want to know what it is about your husband that makes you love him so much. Aside from all those reasons: what is the ONE reason.

    Thank you.


  22. You with writer's block is a really good thing!

  23. I'm not sure what's more funny...your post or all the commenters decrying their own needs/desrires for piggyback rides.

  24. 1. Your girl rocks that 'mater.

    2. My crack attacked.

    3. About medical starhood--I once was surrounded by specialists in a hospital amazed by my feet....only to have this little chinese dude walk in and say, "ahhh, she have paddyfoot!" Dammit. No glory. Just swollen wet feet. Stupid ranch. Not even a POSTER involved.

  25. Can I get a "Hell, Yeah!" for piggyback rides?

    Although, this may have permanently sullied innocent childhood games forever.

    This weekend's random adventure was going to Bronner's to get ornaments for the kids. On the plus side, mmmm, fudge.

  26. I love piggyback rides. So does she.

    I lived with a bunch of guys one summer, and I never used the kitchen, but they were some filthy fuckers. I actually ventured into the kitchen one day and found maggots in the sink. So I did what any other passive aggressive douche would do: I bought cleaning supplies, heavy bags, multiple pairs of gloves, paper plates, plastic cutlery, chains and locks. I cleaned it all up, put it all away, chained and locked the cabinets, and left a stack of paper plates and plasticware for them. No note. I think the chains got the message across.

  27. Also, I think it takes something crazy special to go from piggyback rides to maggots in the same comment. Just saying.

  28. i love your PIGGYBACK stories! i hope to have some piggyback time sooner or later. lol

  29. Yes, me too! I hope to have some piggyback time ASAP.

  30. Ohio. Sheesh. The weird stuff always happens there. Like this:

  31. Piggyback rides are comedy gold, and you certainly hit the jackpot with those frogs playing piggyback! That kind of story is blogging gold!...oh, and congrats to you for all your piggyback riding!...snort...
    And your daughter looks great in tomato. We should all be so lucky to pull off that look.