Monday, June 20, 2011

When Baby Is Quiet

The Dancing Baby sees a world of opportunity.

When the house falls suddenly still and you can almost hear the clock ticking in the other room (if there were a clock ticking in the other room), that's when you know.

When you suddenly realize you've had far too many minutes strung together to read a message on your cell phone or to Google something on the computer, the silence hits you.

When baby is quiet, she is usually:

1. Playing with a bottle of horse radish.

2. Chewing on her brother's Wii remote.

3. At the top of the stairs.

4. Unrolling the toilet paper.

5. Making phone calls on her father's cell phone.

6. Pulling all of the Swiffer® duster refills out of the drawer.

7. Licking the soles of her shoes.

8. Sucking on the tips of her mother's heels.

9. Sinking her teeth into the coffee table.

10. Trying to capture a dying fly in her pudgy fingers.

That last one is totally improving her fine motor skills, so I'm going to claim it as a parenting win.


  1. Oh lawd I could add to this list. G's newest sentence is "MOM! What doing?!" Because everytime there is silence I yell; "G?! What are you doing?!" She never answers me, beacuse she's always up to no good.

  2. In short, and, in the musical stylings of Travis Tritt:

    I smell T-R-O-U-B-L-E.

  3. Thankfully, when my dogs are getting into trouble (trash, cookie dough, squirrels), I can hear them crunching. They're not smart enough to chew quietly, for which I am grateful. It's saved me from several expensive vet bills.

  4. When she's doing number 4, she's also using her motor skills. And number 5 is just funny.

  5. Wait until she find the scissors and cuts her own hair.

    She will.

  6. These are great!! I'm hoping she hasn't actually done all of the things you've listed 'cause some of them are pretty awful!! How about eating the pet food, frolicking in the front yard, running naked in the snow bank that's still in your yard even though it's April or dancing naked in your bay window? Yep, I have first hand experience with those!! : ) Ain't motherhood grand?!!? LOL!!!

    ~ Wendy

  7. I can't even tell you the number of phone calls I've received from one of my friend's babies. He calls me a lot!

  8. My oldest kid once cut the whiskers off the dog when he was two. The poor dog was mortified and they never did grow back.

  9. Awe she's like a baby Mr. Miyagi.

  10. When I used to be a nanny, I would freak out when I realized I hadn't heard from the 1 year old I was babysitting for 5 minutes.

    It usually meant he was pooping on the floor.

  11. Number seven I've seen in action. It's not so bad?

  12. Coloring on the walls. THE WALLS!!!

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  14. #10 reads like a line of poetry

  15. Once? When I was quiet? I was playing with my shoelaces.

    For forty minutes.

    An uncle thought I was, um, "developmentally disabled".

    That's what they call it now, right?

  16. Friendly reminder: The apple never falls far from the tree.

  17. Exellent. My little girl is usually eating stones or rabbit droppings, or maybe climbing something vertical.

  18. 1. Experimenting with flavors for when she is on Master Chef.
    2. Being assertive and claiming her territory.
    3. Surveying all of her domain.
    4. Being hygienic.
    5. Why use your minutes when you can use your dad's?
    6. Dust bunnies are no ones friend.
    7. No one likes a dirty shoe.
    8. Well duh, Loubs over Fisher Price any day .
    9. Customizing furniture.
    10. Saving wildlife.

  19. @Amelia: That's adorable. I can't wait until The Dancing Baby can say more than "Hi" and "Dada."

    @Susan in the Boonies: When I smell trouble, it's usually in her pants.

    @Eva: Maybe I need to put some bells on her?

    @Soobs: True. And some of them are developing her gross motor skills.

    @NicePeace: Noooooooo!

    @Wendy: Ah, I was a streaker too. The Dancing Baby is not showing any signs of being a nudist. Not yet.

    @Michon: That's pretty funny. The Dancing Baby seems to like to call her siblings best. Which is pretty cute if you ask me.

    @Twills: Oh no! Poor dog! I bet he avoided babies with scissors after that.

    @Mel Heth: She does watch her brother's karate class every Saturday morning. You may be on to something.

    @Just Me: Thankfully Grace hasn't shown any scatalogical tendencies. Yet. Though she does like to pee on her doll.

    @Ad Astra: Could be worse.

    @Logical Libby: Her father would have a heart attack.

    @Christina's World: It was actually very sweet to watch, in a disturbing way. Sort of poetic.

    @La Piazza: You just had a good imagination. Or as it was referred to in The Diving Bell and the Butterfly: Your mind was flying like a butterfly.

    @Wow: Oh dear. That means she's going to get in trouble quietly for the rest of her life.

    @The Jules: Thanks for making me feel better. Ha!

    @Optimistic Pessimist: You are far more optimist than pessimist. And thanks for making me laugh!

  20. One time, my mother turned her back for five minutes and she found that I had drawn all over my nice cream outfit and cream patent shoes with a big green felt tip pen! She loves to tell the story. I think we were about to go somewhere fancy too.

  21. Look at that sweet little baby bum! I love this picture. :)

  22. Ahhhhhh, yes. Let's add dumping out the potted plants and/or digging up the freshly planted vegetable garden to that.

    *takes another drink of beer*

  23. @Sarah D: Note to self: Do not dress the baby in cream.

    @Vapid Vixen: I love diaper butts.

    @See Kate Run: She also loves unfolding our laundry as fast as we fold it. Fun!