Friday, June 24, 2011

Hammer Time!

I swear to the shoe gods I tried to wear ballet flats. I've been wearing them for a few weeks now. But a shoe addict can only go for so long without a fix. I swear it'll just be this once. Or maybe just a Friday treat? Once a week, I swear it.

Oh dear. I sound like I have a problem.

The good news is that my seven-year-old son did not make any comments or cast any disapproving looks at my shoes this morning. Maybe they work with the ankle-length skinny jeans in a way they did not work with full-length skinny jeans? That's my theory and I'm sticking to it.

(I'm disregarding the theory that he was up late playing hockey and was too tired to notice.)

I had another brilliant idea this morning as I walked into work. We have two dedicated spots for pregnant ladies. I think I'm more disabled walking in these shoes (I'll admit, they're a little high, even for me, at least for an entire work day) than I was when I was pregnant.

I think we should have two dedicated stiletto parking spots.

Brilliant, right?

My ad agency does all sorts of special parking. We used to have special logos for you to park in if you drove a certain kind of car. We have a dedicated spot if you do something phenomenal. We have dedicated spots for certain executives, spots for visitors, spots for the see where I'm going with this.

What's two more spots for the heroes of fierce shoes?

Maybe if I suggest putting two spots for clogs way in the back, you'll get on board?

*Looks hopeful*

A few observations on my feet:

a. That's a heel pad so the shoes don't slip off. It is not a band-aid because these shoes are torturing me.

b. Those are my hammer toes. I've always had them. And yes, when I say "Hammer Toe" I do in fact sing it to the tune of "Hammer Time!" and then I do a little sideways crab jig. (But not in these shoes. I'm not a circus freak.)

c. If I knew how to Photoshop out those freaky foot bones, blue veins and wrinkles, I would. I'm sorry to subject you to the horror that is my feet. And seriously? Have you ever tried to take an attractive self-portrait of your feet? As it is, I had to take this picture upside-down and reverse it once I got into photo-editing. I have no skill for foot photography so please stop sending me those job offers for the hammer toe fetish site. It's not gonna happen. I don't care how much you offer me.

Wait. I might do it for a premium parking spot.


  1. Mandy? You're crazy! Which is why I love your blog. Thanks for sharing your unique perspective.

    (And congratulations on your 500th follower.)

  2. I need these! No, really, I've been looking for nude pumps forever but haven't found the right shade. WHERE?!!!

  3. Every woman needs a good pair of CFM heels. And wear them to work, Target, babies r us and the bunion super store.

    I love the parking sign idea! Run with it.

  4. @La Piazza: 500? Really? I hadn't even noticed.

    *Hides shrine dedicated to 500+ followers*

    @Twills: Steve Madden, gurl.

    @NicePeace: The bunion super store! *LAUGH!* If I could run with it, I wouldn't need the special parking.

  5. Ohhh I like. But I can't see myself in those shoes where the front of the shoe is so thick. It's like shoe designers do their best to make (=sexy=) shoe wearing as painful as possible. These will go with the tank dress with the cutlets, yes? :) Or too dressy? Regardless I like them. Like the color- classy and your feet don't look natty, they look nice!

  6. @Sweet Herald: It's a platform, sister. I think it might be too much beige to go with the beige dress. Unless I did some bold splash of color with jewelry or a scarf...p.s. these shoes cover up the majority of my hammer toes and that's no accident.

  7. Those heels are rockin'! I just got a pedicure with purple polish and can't wait to bust out the 4 inch peep toes.

  8. Hammer toe!

    See? Now I'VE got baggy-panted men dancing in my head.


    p.s. Can't touch this...

  9. @Eva: I got a ho-hum light blue. I should have stuck with the turquoise.

    @Pearl: You really can't (and don't want to) touch these toes.

  10. Hot shoes! Love the color. And your feet are smooth compared to my bunyony, bony, bumpy feet. Makes shoes shopping a bit of a challenge.

  11. Is the hub gonna make you wear those to bed?

  12. @ajm: I can't believe you just called my feet smooth. You are my new favorite commenter.

    @Wow: I think they would hurt him.

  13. I love heels and used to be able to run,dance and do gymnastics in them....nowadays a good flip flop is tops on my list!

  14. I think they should make walking sticks for certain fierce shoes.

    Because at the end of the night, if there's no man by my side, I need a damn cane.

  15. Doesn't "stiletto parking" = "handicapped parking?" It would if your CEO was a woman. In stilettos. Love the shoes, however.

  16. Maybe someday I'll learn how to walk in heels. Nah, probably not. I won't do ballet flats either though, my pudgy feet push up over the side and it looks ridiculous. Yeah, as if my flip flops look better. :)

  17. I USED to be a shoe addict, and then one day I decided I was done killing myself in these shoes when no one cared anyway. So I stopped wearing them. I had no idea how much leg muscle and coordination I developed over the few years I was wearing them until recently when I tried to wear them. I can only go for a few hours! I used to be able to wear them all night and have no problems. Sigh.

  18. I don't own a pair of shoes close to these. I wear flip flops. *ducks head in shame* Are those worse then clogs?

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  20. Amelia- Other than when I'm at work, I LIVE in my flip flops.

    That being said, I literally just measured my heel with one of those old school wooden rulers I inherited with my desk. Five inches! I call them my hobblers since I can’t ever quite make it the full eight hours without being “hobbled” by the end of the day. And yet..I keep wearing them.

  21. Pardon the double post. Got a little enter happy.

  22. They are awesome enough, but no way I could make it thru the day in those.

    You go girl!

  23. @ali: Someone needs to teach me the trick of wearing flip flops. The agitate the nerve in-between my toes so much they drive me insane.

    @Just Me: This is a brilliant invention. The only thing better would be a bedazzled wheelchair.

    @Soobs: Women should rule the world.

    @Megan: I had to try on a lot of ballet flats over the course of a couple years before I found a pair that didn't make me look like a platypus. Steve Madden, FTW.

    @Cake Betch: No one cared? No one cared?!? I care, my friend, I care a lot.

    @Amelia; No, I like flip flops but I just can't wear them. I don't know how you get used to that thing rubbing in between your toes. Torture.

    @Vapid Vixen: I just measured these bad boys and they are 5" on the back of the heel (from tip to bottom of shoe) and 3" on the inside of the shoe. I don't know which is accurate.

    @One Bad Pixie: I do work at a desk as a writer, so I don't know how bad ass it is, really. Now if I worked on a construction site...

  24. Props to you, girl, for wearing those shoes for a whole day at work. I'd have a hard time wearing them for a night out, much less an entire day!

  25. I have always loved beautiful shoes.


    And that is one thing I don't know what to do about getting old: can I Keep wearing them?

    I don't know. Do I have to start buying the sensible shoes.
    I don't know.

  26. From one whose feet are boney and veiny although the toes don't do anything untoward, I think the photo should be un-shopped. The shoe and the foot look lovely.

    I like the boney foot myself, more delicate looking than some large smooth boneless feet I see now and then. Like bread dough stuffed into a shoe lol.

    I am now living in the land of high heels .. my feet will never forgive me.

  27. Regarding the photo of your foot, it's the lighting that you are using that is causing the shadows to be increased . Also you have a specular highlight,a bright spot washing out detail . Mandy, all you need is to soften the light ,diffuse it. Or use available sunlight. Here is a good link that will show you what I mean. -)

  28. I love the look, but seriously, how are you women able to walk in those things?

  29. I just came from a Gay Pride parade and saw dozens of men dressed in drag trying to walk in their heels. It was hilarious. Welcome to our pain, fellas. Welcome. To. Our. Pain.

  30. Also you have nice feet. I was just talking shop because I made a living taking photographs. Pamper those puppy's , they appreciate the attention. -D

  31. Is this becoming a foot fetish blog?

  32. I never was a foot fetish person but from what I have heard women are into shoes so much that they notice a man's shoes first and the more expensive the shoes , the more appealing he is, ha .)

  33. @Consciously Sedated: I do sit at a desk all day, so maybe it's not all that impressive. ;-)

    @The Empress: The only sacrifice I have had to make is buying bigger shoes, thus far.

    @a Broad: The land of high heels. Ah, I must make a pilgrimage.

    @The Last Santa: I was using my cell phone camera. I don't know how to do all those settings on a real phone, let along a Blackberry! ;-p

    @Robert the Skeptic: Practice.

    @Janice: They used to be more painful when I would buy shoes because I loved the way they looked and ignored if they pinched. Now, no matter how lovely, if I sense any imperfections in the fit I will not buy the shoe.

    @Logical Libby: I thought it was a foot fetish blog.

    @The Last Santa: I notice horrible shoes. Middle of the road shoes can escape my raised eyebrow.

    P.S. My husband wears outstanding shoes. But he didn't when we first met. Ha.

  34. lol. i can't do the heels! i just can't. my feet won't have it. i can do sandals and/or flats, and or wedges on a special day. my days of fancy heels are long gone!

  35. Can't touch this.

    No. Seriously.

    You can't.

    I mean it.

    I rarely wear a heel that high, but whenever I do, I know, if you'd ask me in that moment, I would back you on that special parking place.

  36. I am a shoe whore! My closet was full of shoes! My husband told me that I could not buy any more shoes until I found room for the ones I had because he was sick of them taking up all of my closet space.

    So I went to Wal-Mart and bought a few clear bins that slide under the bed. I filled them up with 80% of my shoes. Now I have a bunch more room in my closet! So now I get to buy more shoes!

  37. @drollgirl: Wedges totally count.

    @Susan in the Boonies: Let's march the capital and get those spaces!

    @Mrs. Pickle: My husband looks under the bed.

  38. Just for the record, I would like to clarify that when I said you were crazy, I meant refreshing-crazy, not scary-crazy.

    It's probably not a good idea to call people you barely know crazy in blog comments.

    There's so much room for misunderstanding.

  39. I hope this doesn't sound, misogynistic, but I don't think it's just you who has this problem. I am quite certain my girlfriend has some sort of DNA coding that compels her to go shoe shopping in much the same way that it makes her enjoy yogurt.

  40. @La Piazza: No offense taken. ;-)

    @Elliot: Yogurt and shoes? Guilty of both. You may be on to something. Perhaps it's lodged in the double X chromosomes?

  41. hey mandy....can you see my blog today and help pass this information on regarding char ?

    thank you so much !!

  42. Girl. Those are some fierce hammers.

  43. @Beth: Thanks! I've added the information to my Char post and put a badge on my page! What a wonderful idea!

    @That Janie Girl: But you can't touch them!

  44. Alter the way you move your feet when you walk in sandals. Most people in the Middle East wear sandals, (as do many in the oriental countries) and I find that when I do, I change the way I walk after a few minutes.