Wednesday, May 11, 2011

Cracky Is My Tim Gunn

With the onset of warmer weather comes the greater selection of footwear.

During the winter months, I favor the black equestrian or motorcycle boot as my preferred mode of transportation. With a pair of skinny jeans, it's an easy uniform that won't break my neck on the ice.

But when the darling buds of May begin to shoot out of the tender branches here in the northern states, we can't wait to expose our ankles and perhaps even our toes. So it was the other morning when I perused a multitude of high-heeled shoes from which to choose.

Would it be the Kate Moss-esque pointy-toe stilettos with the faded black skinny jeans? Or perhaps a round-toe Mary Jane pump to keep the spring demure? Yet the grass was lush and the breeze gentle, so I had a fire in my veins.

I tried on a pair of 4" platform stilettos with with a peep-toe to boot. They felt good. They felt natural. I realized it had been over a year since I'd worn them between pregnancy and winter, and I was ready to unleash myself on spring.

I considered myself in the mirror.

So did the seven-year-old child who showed up behind me.

"Are you going to wear those to work?" he asked.

"Why? Are they too tall?" I asked, genuinely surprised that he had an opinion.


I changed into the simple black stilettos with a humble 3" ground clearance.

"Much better," he said and walked away.

I'll be damned if he wasn't right.

Cracky's Guide to Work Appropriate Footwear With Skinny Jeans

A classic pointy-toe stiletto.

Demure round-toe Mary Janes.

Boots and a jacket are always apropos.

Ballet flats are definitely a do, but I just can't get excited about them.

Not for work, but how do we feel about platforms and skinny jeans for after work?

I'm on the fence. There's something not-quite-right about them, to me. I'll have to ask Cracky what he thinks about platforms for after hours. Hey, at least they're not clogs.


  1. LOL...future fashion police...go him!

  2. The best thing about this post is the excellent Photoshop work.

  3. @Just Jeff: He slays me.

    @Richard: *Claps*

    *Jumps up and down*

    And guess what else? My work now offers free online training for Photoshop! I bet you can't wait.

  4. I think I need some Cracky in my life.
    Example: 9 months pregnant and still thinking I can wear a 4 inch platform sandal.

    Yeah, I need some Cracky intervention.

  5. @Mad: I wore heels to an event a month before I gave birth to my daughter. I needed his intervention that night too.

    I also wore Spanx.


  6. yes, i'm with the minnie mouse comment on FB. it is like platforms + skinny is some weird alternate math rule where two positives make a negative. it could also be two cools fighting for attention suddenly become uncool.

  7. this reminds me that it has been far too long since I've rocked a heel. and I need some spanx pronto.

  8. @Char: Ever since I read the Minnie Mouse comment on my Facebook page I feel the mystery is solved too.

    Platform shoes + Skinny Jeans = Minnie Mouse.

    Thank you, Salacious Bee.

    @Sherri: The Spanx comment made me laugh.

  9. I need the perfect set of heels for my casual summer that is already upon us down South. I do make my way out of the Boonies, from time to time, and I need something just right, but so far, have been stumped. Does Cracky make housecalls? I'm sensing a business opportunity: "Housecalls, By Cracky" I think it has quite a ring to it.

  10. I love big, clompy shoes with anything, but that's because I sometimes can't seem to dress like a grown-up.

  11. @Susan in the Boonies: He's only seven, so I don't know about that whole "crossing state lines" thing. ;-)

    @Twills: I like clompy (stompy?) shoes with a more flowing, or flared leg. Maybe even a tight. But the skinny jeans throws the balance off for me, for some reason. I'm going with the Minnie Mouse Effect (MME).

  12. I can really pick up some good shoe information here. Is it a plus for single men to be enlightened with the various major points of women's shoes? or just never mind , I was not here. )

  13. I think platform pumps with skinny jeans are ok for work if your work is in a "massage parlour". Not a fan of the platform pump..

  14. Maybe it depends on where you live ?
    Here ballet flats and skinny jeans were the way I spent the summer, now I am in the riding boot stage, looking for a new good looking biker boot.
    But the platform pumps are everywhere here, all summer and now in the fall.
    But with the cold coming, they will only come out at night , sometimes :)

  15. I adore your son without knowing him, and I agree with Cracky about the shoes for work. When to comes to after work, anything goes, especially platform - they look "sessy".

  16. A friend and I were talking about her mother-in-law's attire at her wedding - jeans, a button-down "fancy blouse" and she classed it up with fur-lined crocs.

  17. @Mrs. BC: You made me laugh. And I think you just called me a tramp.

    @a Broad: You will be pleased, I bought my first pair of ballet flats this weekend. Let Armageddon commence.

    @Christina's World: Anything goes! Whoohoo!

    @Scribe: Oh hells no.

    @Blogspot: Thanks for deleting all the other comments. Grr.

  18. To funny! I've been reading you awhile but haven't seen it anywhere, why do you call your son 'Cracky'?

  19. I love breaking out the argyle socks and the cracked, white Reeboks.

  20. I was just joking for gods sake

  21. since i've been walking around in flip-flops for the last year and half those shoes look extreeeemely painful.

  22. @The Last Santa: I had to scroll up and down a few times to see what you meant. My oversight on responding to your comment was an accident, not intentional! This whole scrolling up and down and back again to get all the comments is flawed.

    @Jolene: He can't pronounce his middle name and "Cracky" is what it comes out sounding like. Or I should say, it used to sound like when he was around two or three years old.

    @La Piazza: Argyle socks go with everything. It's a proven fact.

    @Sweet Herald: I can't wear flip flops. The little strap that comes between your toes keeeeeells me!