Tuesday, March 8, 2011

Sexual Meditation

That title there is a total lie.

This post is not going to be about sex. I'm sorry. Okay, I'm not sorry at all. Wait. Maybe a little bit. Perhaps I'll throw in a little sex to make up for it? It'll be like we're married.

My husband and I are taking a meditation workshop together. I know exactly what you're thinking: I have the most awesome husband, ever. True. I know what else you're thinking: That man is totally Buddha-whipped. Possibly. But I reward him with the sex, so it's win-win for everyone involved.

I hate the expression "win-win" so I put that in there to be obnoxious. In case you missed it.

I haven't taken a meditation class in close to 15 years, so it was refreshing to do so again. What strikes me about the meditation class and about attending temple is that every time I go, I feel better. It seems so simple, but somehow I forget that.

When I'm in a Sunday meditation service or a class, the session itself is so deceptively simple that I think, "I'm not really getting ALL THAT out of this" or "This is nice and all, but not really a big deal." But I find that for the rest of the day and night, I'm thinking about what I learned in that class.

And I feel lighter.



I mean, that's pretty cool. I don't know why I talk myself out of going to temple on Sunday mornings. I know there are the usual reasons: "I want to sleep in," "It's too cold," "It's too far," "I don't know anyone," "I don't feel like it," "I might get Sunday morning sex with the husband," etc.

But all those reasons don't give me the lasting effects of going and sitting on a wood floor with strangers and simply watching my thoughts. What a strange and powerful thing meditation is. What a deceptively simple thing it is too.

I always forget that.

And the best part of this meditation class? I got to share it with my partner. This is the first time in my life that I had a willing partner attend temple with me. It felt pretty special. It's not necessary that he be a Buddhist, but it is incredibly touching that he would express an openness to what's important to me.

That's pretty amazing.

We learned in our meditation class this week that what Buddhism can be narrowed down to is this: "The ability to approach life with an open heart." In that way, I look at my lovely husband as a shining example of what it is I aim to be.

Am I that open?

I'd like to be.

In fact, the teacher asked us what we had thought about while we were meditating.

"I thought about the fact that my nose was itching. And I thought about sex," my husband replied.

The whole group laughed, including the teacher.

"Finally, someone who understand me." she said. I think we all felt that way. Though his admission was funny, it was also unusually candid. Open.

It may sound silly, but by speaking these truths, he opens his heart to all of us, and we to him. We feel more comfortable knowing that we are all very human in our thoughts. We are not profound saints thinking about world peace. We're thinking about what it is to be human. In fact, I found the group to be very kind and open with one another, and I was struck by the presumption of kindness and acceptance by everyone there. Buddhist and non-buddhist alike.

It's a nice place to go. So I'll take my mind, body and husband there again.


  1. I so dig this!

    I'm also really happy that you and your husband find time for both sex and meditation with two kids. With my due date less than a week away, you fill me with hope! Namaste!

  2. i do like an openness. too often i censor myself, afraid of what others will think - well, how do i phrase this. i guess it would be too worried about offending others. otherwise, i'm pretty wide open - one on one, ask me whatever and i'll tell you. my sister can testify to that. ha. anyway. it is good to have a partner that is open to some of the same activities without being "put upon."

  3. When is your husband not thinking about sex? It's like he admitted he was breathing while he was meditating.

  4. Wow has a point-

    Great post. Relationships are about exploring together. I think that is very loving and can lead to you seeing that great sex with a loving husband is a 'win-win' Hell, change it to 'in-in'.

  5. @Christina's World: If you make your relationship and your mental health a priority, you can still have a life with children. Besides, happy parents are good for kids.

    @Char: I attended Christmas Eve mass with him and I didn't feel put upon. I like Christmas music. ;-)

    @Wow: True. I guess I'm just lucky.

    @Nice Peace: I had read an article recently that said that couples who try new things together and go outside of their comfort level stay together. It's fun!

  6. You've inspired me to think more seriously about getting to temple on Sundays. O.o

  7. @See Kate Run: Do eeeeet! All the cool Buddhists are doing it!

  8. I went to a meditation group for the very first time in January and it was awesome. The energy that emanates in a room full of open people is amazing.

    I love that your hubby was the new guy but made everyone else feel joyful and at ease. You caught a good one.

  9. Did you talk to my friend Tara? Did she put you up to this?

    Okay, okay, I'll try it! I will try meditation.

  10. My husband won't go, you are so lucky.

    I go with my 8 yr old son, and I LOVE how open he is to it.

    I LOVE IT.

  11. Pretty good post. I just stumbled upon your blog and wanted to say that I have really enjoyed reading your blog posts. Any way I'll be subscribing to your feed and I hope you post again soon.
    Surgical Towel

  12. Doh...total bait and switch..I was hoping for some blog post on the Kama Sutra or something.

  13. Your husband is too cool. :-)

    And I laughed out loud -- something I rarely do when reading! -- at this; This post is not going to be about sex. I'm sorry. Okay, I'm not sorry at all. Wait. Maybe a little bit. Perhaps I'll throw in a little sex to make up for it? It'll be like we're married.

    Great post.


  14. Thanks for your comment on my blog! I LOVE reading other blogs, including adoption blogs. It's definitely nice to know that I'm not the only one going through this. Which is why I chose to share my journey publicly...so that others would know that they too are not alone :)

  15. @Mel Heth: It was a nice moment. :-)

    @Amelia: Yeah, little changes can result in a wonderful difference in your life. I always forget that.

    @Logical Libby: Yes, we are all conspiring against you on the internetz. ;-)

    @Empress: I'm pretty impressed an 8-year-old is up for it. My seven-year-old son has been asking to go and fortunately they do have a family service. We'll have to try it.

    @Chhipa: Thanks for stopping by. I'll check out your blog too.

    @Dr. Kenny: Yesssss! You fell for it! *Pumps fist*

    @Pearl: That was one of those moments I considered deleting. Thanks for confirming my decision that it was indeed funny. ;-p

    @Kelly: Thanks for stopping by here too.

  16. "Win Win" these days just reeks of Charlie Sheen, which, I imagine means "cigarette smoke, ball sweat and hookers". So wise choice! And sorry, for mentioning such foulness on your blog.

    I do yoga but I would like to find a meditative way of retaining my cool, calm exterior under pressure. I must look into meditation.

  17. cool. love that you guys are doing that together. thanks for reminding me why I was trying to find a place to go on sunday all of last year. perhaps i'll try again this year, b/c even though I never found a perfect fit, there were some that left me feeling better when I left. win-win now reminds me of you instead of charlie sheen and I like that.

  18. Being a foodie when I meditate, my thoughts usually turn to food. Doesn't mean I'll go and make some but it's like a form of window shopping I suppose.

  19. Oh, no.

    I just posted win/win to you in my last comment on your "I'm fixing my teeth AND losing weight" post.

    WHY did I read in chronological order????

    Dang, dang, dang!!!!!!!!!

  20. P.S. Was that comment about win/win open enough for you?

  21. Bought a book on meditation a while ago, but never got around to reading it. You've inspired me to give it a go.

    BTW, if your nose itches while meditating is it permissible to scratch, or should one remain stoic?

  22. What a great piece! You are a gifted writer and have a pretty cool husband. Enjoy meditating with him.

    Kelly (Naked Girl in a Dress)

  23. @The Vegetable Assassin: I just realized I don't know how to spell "Assassin" without looking it up. I used to have a boss who wanted me to write "win win win" (times, three) in every print piece we published. It was a losing battle but I think I did manage to get it down to two "wins" but still, the hatred lingers.

    @Sherri: Aw, that's so sweet in a horrible way because now you associate the expression that drives me apesh*t with me.

    @Isis: Food seems pretty harmless to me. :-)

    @Susan in the Boonies: HAHAHAHAHAHA! I saw that on my Blackberry but I assumed the comment went on this blog, so I assumed you were being a smartass and torturing me!

    @Cary: One will notice that one's nose itches but there's no reason to scratch it. Just notice it and move on. It will go away on its own, I find.

    @Kelly: I like you.

  24. Hmmm....that's interesting. I've never been to a meditation class or a temple before. I bet it would make me feel better too. I don't even know if we have anything like that in the south. I think I'll look into it.

  25. I was not aware that there were other things to think about besides sex during meditation. .

  26. Great post, and great husband.

  27. How cool is that? I have not been able to get my other half to meditate, but I've started a routine with my four year-old doing guided meditation before bedtime. It has been a month now and is a lovely bonding time for us and has made her sleep more deeply. Thanks for sharing.

  28. I won't comment about sex because I don't want to . If I was married I might be able to respond as another couple having blah dah dah (I'm holding my hands over my eyes and making strange monkey sounds) ) But It's tough being single lol Anyway . Meditation is very cool . And just being in a different environment, around strangers changes the perspective into a better one. I have done that and it certainly can't hurt you, in fact it is very good for you.

  29. Wow, that was a bizarre comment I made. Thinking out loud sucks on the internet. :-/

  30. @Amanda G.: There are temples all over the place now. Just Google a Zen Buddhist Temple or Buddhist Temple and you'll be able to locate the closest one to you. If you're in a major metropolitan area you should have at least one.

    @Cheryl: Ha. I see you and my husband would get along.

    @Ms Smack: I have to agree.


    @Embrace the Cliche: That's adorable. My seven-year-old loves to assume the lotus position but he only meditates for about five seconds. Heh.

    @The Last Santa: I read something recently about that exact thing. Facing new obstacles and challenges together strengthens the bond.

    @The Last Santa: What's funniest about that is you came back a half a day later and noticed it. Hee.

  31. I've never meditated...but I wonder if I could clear my mind and sit still long enough. I know, I know, I'm missing the whole point!