Thursday, September 23, 2010

The Last Baby

The last baby is special in a way that the first baby is not.

The first baby is full of firsts. This first baby is full of surprise and wonder. The last baby, however, makes your heart ache because you know she is the last you'll hold in this way. She's the last baby you'll nestle in your arms in the middle of the night, with only her glossy eyes watching you — as if you are the moon and forever.

Her cheeks are so plump and full that when you kiss them, you think they might pop. Her smiles and laughs are the last of your babies' smiles and laughs. With your first baby you wondered how you would get through the sleepless nights and the around-the-clock feedings.

With the last, you wonder how you'll live without them. How will you live without these quiet midnights with a baby softly sucking, a small hand curling around your finger, and a sweet sighing with the kind of contentment that only stars and small deities can know.

The last baby is the last baby. And for that, she kind of breaks my heart.


  1. Beautiful sentiment, and that's why nature gives us tantrums to help us get over that! :-D

  2. And you just kind of broke my heart. Beautiful.

  3. @Svaha: Cute!

    @Kenny: *LAUGH!*

    @Sere: Thank you. :-D

  4. And then she poops all over in a way that you thought impossible. You even look around the room wondering if someone else somehow contributed to so much mess coming from so little a person.

  5. like someone once said... stupid kids, stupid love.

    This was beautiful... very much.

  6. I felt exactly the same way! I equally rejoiced and mourned every milestone my baby girl achieved knowing that it was last time I would experience it as a "MOM".

    Now it's only a memory...which is a little bittersweet...

    BUT as time goes on you also start to celebrate things like never having to change a diaper again (unless you offer), getting rid of the car seats, and getting to know her better as she grows.

  7. my sister in law sings this same song

  8. Lovely. And, of course, what WOW said. heh.

  9. Hi Mandy,
    'Tis sad but what a joy
    to see your children learn.
    The first time they walk,
    the first time they play in
    snow, enjoy the beach, their
    first word, sentence, question much awaits.

  10. So true. My last baby will be 5 yo in a Month. *sigh*

  11. This seems to be my night for getting all moist in the eyes from baby-posts. My first baby IS my last baby and she's 13 now. There are times when I would gladly give my right arm to be able to start over. Ah jeez. Now I'm full-blown crying over here! Well, damn, I guess this is what grandkids are for.

  12. I miss babies! If I could only just smell baby head right now...

  13. My last baby is almost as tall as I am now. He's 10 years old. My first baby will be 30 next year. And my middle baby will be 25.

    For years I thought my middle baby WAS my last baby...and I thank my lucky stars that he wasn't.

    Beautifully written, beautifully heartwarming and heartbreaking.

  14. my last baby is 6, and i'm still heartbroken, in that sweet, sweet way.

  15. My last baby is turning 7 in November, and I am very sure she gets twice as many hugs to prevent me from being sad that I won't have another one. thank goodness she's so huggable!!

  16. Last babies grow up and they are even more special than you can imagine. Just sayin'..

  17. Aw! Now I'm all soggy from crying! I have one son and he was a very welcomed surprise and so the poor lamb is the end all, be all and knows it.
    Barry White said it best, "He's my first, my last, my everythang".

  18. my babies are 11 and (nearly) 13, I'm well past my sell by date, and yet I get the occasional yearning for another.

    So I got a puppy.

  19. @Woof: Cute.

    @Wow: She just started eating food so I totally get this.

    @Just Jeff: Thank you!

    @Mobius: Stupid love. ;-)

    @Melissa: Thank you.

    @Who wants to dust: It goes by so ridiculously fast.


    @Queen Dean: I could do without two car seats in my back seat. Ha.

    @Char: Aw.

    @Eva: :-)

    @Stephanie Meade Grisham: He's pretty funny sometimes.

    @Raao: We're fortunate for that.

    @Vickilikesfrogs: A 13 year old would make me cry too. ;-)

    @Twills: Be careful. Don't miss it too much or you'll wind up with another one!

    @Lunamother: Thank you. And the last surprise is something else.

    @Maggie May: Thanks!

    @Zanna: It is a bittersweetness.

    @Freddy: Thank goodness she still lets you hug her!

    @JustLD: Aw. That's a good reminder that I have so much to look forward to, too.

    @So not: Aw. That's beautiful. What a special baby!

    @Me: Haaaaaaaaaa!

  20. Aw, I don't have babies, and don't really plan too, but this is so touching, even to me.

  21. What a beautiful post. I am my mom's last baby. Thank you for making me think about what she must have felt.

  22. So well said, and I could probably add that the ONLY baby brings its own set of heartaches. I had the Bitlet and immediately got my tubes tied. My husband is nearly 50, and I am nearly 40, so we decided that she was it for US. I don't regret that decision, but I think that it did color how I viewed everything about the Bitlet, from midnight feedings, to the time and attention I give to her, to the countless pictures I have of her life to date.

  23. @jules: Aw, thanks!

    @JJ: Thanks!

    @Mel Heth: I'm sure she's having lots of those feelings with your wedding coming up ...

    @Caroline: The only is the first and the last. :-)

  24. Sometimes I wish I had a last baby to dream of....xx

  25. Being pregnant with my last heart is hurting reading this. So lovely. I try to blame it on biology, that desire to procreate more, but I believe it's more that I'm just in love to the point of sweet heartbreak already.

    Thanks for reminding me to stay in the moment and appreciate the special gift of my last baby.

  26. Ah, but don't forget that Stephen has a nearly-24 year old son, too.

    My first and last.

    His last.

  27. Damn it Mandy. If I had tear duct they'd be activated right now.

  28. I love the sweet sighing. That's my favorite.