Thursday, October 23, 2008

Why Are They Pushing It In So Far, Mama?

Because I am a procrastinator, I waited until the last possible moment to get my vaccinations for India. I have a few, grievous phobias which cause me to pass out. I've covered this before, but just to recap: Crowds and Needles. The centipede phobia only causes me to scream bloody murder, but I have never lost consciousness at the sight of one. Yet.

So I can only get an appointment at the Passport Health Clinic at 5:30 p.m., which means I have to pick up my four-year-old son first, and take him with me. Now I've gotten much better about shots in my old age, and I'm pretty much fine if I don't see the needle and they don't take blood. I got a Tetnus shot last winter and did not pass out.

I thought everything would be fine.

I sat in the chair and decided to put on a brave face for Cracky. The first shot went in and I didn't even flinch. While the second shot was going in, my son announced:


It was then that I started to hear the distant train whistle of unconsciousness, and then the roar of the engine took over my entire body.

"I think I'm going down," I announced to the two nurses, who immediately stretched me out on the floor. I awoke with a cold compress stuffed beneath my neck and two worried nurses peering at my face.

"Do you want us to continue, or do you want us to wait until you've fully recovered?" they asked.

"Get it over with," I groggily responded. My son got up from the chair where I think he'd been crying to come watch the proceedings again.

I felt the nurse pinch the flesh on my limp arms to inject the rest of the shots.

"Why are they pushing it in so far, Mama?" my son chimed in.

Note to self: Do not bring son to any future doctor's appointments.


  1. I brought my daughter to the dentist (one of my phobias) with me and she went from being ok with seeing the dentist to deciding she NEVER wants to see one again.

  2. "'I think I'm going down,' I announced" is probably the funniest thing I've ever read from you. I don't know why. It's just so clinical and impassive in the face of impending unconsciousness.

    Also liked "the distant train whistle of unconsciousness."

  3. oh my....yeah, never bring him again.

    the whole "I think I'm going down" reminds me of when I sliced my fingertip with a mandolin took about 5 seconds for it to start gushing...I apparently just said, loudly, "I think I cut myself" then there was blood, then I was screaming.

  4. Cracky will be ruined for life.

  5. I chuckled out loud during this. It reminded me of when I had to have blood work done recently. My brave little kid, he held my hand and didn't even make fun of me when I began lamaze breathing to keep from fainting.

  6. "I SEE BLOOD!" LMAO!! That made me laugh.

    Why didn't they just give you the rest of the shots while you were out?

  7. That was a bad idea.
    Another note to add?
    Never take your child swimsuit shopping. Oy. Mouse nearly ended up stuffed in the little bin in the changing room.


  8. Yes, that was a horrible idea!
    But oh so funny.
    I hope you are feeling better and that Cracky has developed no new phobias!

  9. I've never taken my kids to the docs with me, but I have been in the hospital with my old man and I freaked him the hell out. It was a helluva acting job on my part. I had the nurses in on it and everything. Actually, its a good thing he didn't have a heart attack, poor guy.

  10. "I think I'm going down"

    Bahahah! You crack me up. I swear we were cut from the same cloth. I am the exact same way about needles. It's not the pain, it's the thought of a piece of metal going into my vein *vomits* and good god if I see it? Forget it. I had to have a cyst aspirated shortly before they removed it (one from my knee, but I had others in my titties too that had to be aspirated- fun!) and the doctor said as he was pulling fluid from the cyst and I was looking away trying to think of beer and the beach and sex and whatever would get my mind off of it, "Oops...dribbled a little blood there"
    When i felt the trickle of blood I turned green and they made me lie down and wouldnt allow me to leave until I had a cookie and something to drink. Snort.

    When is the India trip? you lucky bitch! You're going to get the runs over there, ya know.

  11. I have to say the opposite of what you did is no fun either. I had to hold my 2 y.o. daughter while they took a couple of vials of blood from the vein in her arm. gut wrenching, even for a former big tough football player type guy. The former football player thing DID come in handy when I had to carry both a screaming 2 y.o. and a screaming newborn in a carrier out of the hospital to the car while my newly c-sectioned wife hobbled along behind... Moral: Doctors and needles suck ass.

  12. I wanted to laugh but....yeech - why do they push it in so far?

  13. that's gonna be like 20 therapy sessions, dude.


  14. Bwahahaha

    Thanks, I needed that.


  15. I used to be like that. I just flashed back to being like 38 years old and in tears in the doctor's office because I didn't want to get a tetnus shot. He made me feel like an idiot, and I was so embarrassed I think I got over it.

    Then a nasty hospital stay with a bunch of IVs and idiots drawing blood every five seconds cured me of the needle phobia for, as an added bonus, when I was lying in a hospital bed I couldn't faint.

    Ah, good times.

  16. Awww, poor Cracky. LOL.

    You poor thing. I'd be afraid to go with you, as I have a vomit phobia, and I'd be worried you'd puke or something. I'm a total mess.

    India, huh? Lucky duck.

  17. That is the funniest damn thing I have heard in I don't know how long. If there's one thing you can count on children to do, it's to make every uncomfortable situation so much worse. The next movie I write will have a kid show up at his parent's gang bang.

    Sex Mahoney for President

  18. Oh! Ho! Almost 5yo went for his school shot last Tuesday with hubby. When they came back he proudly announced with a big smile that he DIDN'T cry. But he got mad at the nurse because she didn't give him a puppet finger.

    We now need to go back for our flu shots and for the 2 older ones ... blood tests! Now, this needle is a lot bigger and DramaQueen who is 6 yo is just like you ... She has this phobia about needles. It's next Wednesday, I am still wondering if she will go through this ... I may faint if I see her faint!

  19. My worst nightmare would be a clown moonlighting as a mime, approaching me in the dentist office with a large needle.

  20. the photo says it all
    but your words say more
    good laugh all the way around