Thursday, March 27, 2008

"Snap Out of It!" and Other Italian Wisdom

I have long been aware that men derive most of their wisdom from The Godfather.

"Go to the mattresses."

"I'm going to make him an offer he cannot refuse."

Men use these quotes to aid their friends, to offer counsel in times of confusion. The Godfather knew how to handle everything. When in doubt, you go to him. Especially when it concerns business.

I think there is a female equivalent, and I've decided it's Moonstruck, also a film about an Italian family. I'm thinking the Italians might know a thing or two about a thing or two. Capiche?

Everything you need to know about love is in Moonstruck. Don't believe me? Here:

When you encounter the irrational:

Ronny Cammareri: "I love you."
Loretta Castorini: [slaps him twice] "Snap out of it!"

When you encounter denial:

Rose: "I just want you to know no matter what you do, you're gonna die, just like everybody else."
Cosmo Castorini: "Thank you, Rose."

When you encounter blame:

Ronny Cammareri: "You ruined my life."
Loretta Castorini: "That's impossible! It was ruined when I got here! *You* ruined *my* life!"

When you encounter fear:

Loretta Castorini: "What am I going to tell him?"
Cosmo Castorini: "Tell him the truth. They find out anyway."

When someone tries to blow smoke up your ass:

Johnny: "In time you will see that this is the best thing."
Loretta Castorini: "In time you'll drop dead and I'll come to your funeral in a red dress!"

When you find true love:

Rose: "Do you love him, Loretta?"
Loretta Castorini: "Aw, ma, I love him awful."
Rose: "Oh, God, that's too bad."

When you announce your second marriage:

Loretta Castorini: "I'm getting married."
Cosmo Castorini: "Again?"
Loretta Castorini: "Yeah."
Cosmo Castorini: "You did this once before, it didn't work out."
Loretta Castorini: "The guy died!"

When you're engaged to someone else and realize you've found true love...in another:

Ronny Cammareri: "You're gonna marry my brother? Why you wanna sell your life short? Playing it safe is just about the most dangerous thing a woman like you could do. You waited for the right man the first time, why didn't you wait for the right man again?"
Loretta Castorini: "He didn't come!"
Ronny Cammareri: "I'm here!"
Loretta Castorini: "You're late!"

When you discover your husband's been cheating on you:

Rose: "Have I been a good wife?"
Cosmo Castorini: "Yeah."
Rose: "I want you to stop seeing her."
[Cosmo rises, slams the table once, and sits down again]
Cosmo Castorini: "Okay."
Rose: [pauses] "And go to confession."

When your wife discovers you've been cheating on her:

Cosmo Castorini: "A man understands one day that his life is built on nothing, and that's a bad, crazy day."
Rose: "Your life is not built on nothing! Ti amo."

And lastly, when you realize the whole point to this whole thing called life:

Ronny Cammareri: "Loretta, I love you. Not like they told you love is, and I didn't know this either, but love don't make things nice - it ruins everything. It breaks your heart. It makes things a mess. We aren't here to make things perfect. The snowflakes are perfect. The stars are perfect. Not us. Not us! We are here to ruin ourselves and to break our hearts and love the wrong people and *die*. The storybooks are *bullshit*. Now I want you to come upstairs with me and *get* in my bed!"

The End.

25 comments:

  1. I love that movie:) My best friend is Italian. I have come to accept that they know everyfuckingthing. -And if SHE doesn't, she'll make her MOTHER call me:p I have never had another friend whos family felt like family to me- they even cuss me out when they think I'm being stupid:D

    I think my favorite moment is the "When you find true love" moment. That says it all. Belisimo! ~OM

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  2. It'd be nice if people were this realistic about life.

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  3. Where the hell IS everybody?!

    Your hair looks fabulous, darlink!
    ~OM

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  4. It reminds me of the paper towel slogan:

    "Life's Messy. Clean It Up."

    Love is messy, get over it. Don't dump people because they're imperfect. Don't be afraid to love because you might get hurt.

    In short, "Snap out of it!"

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  5. this is one of my favorite movies. olympia duk...however you spell that name is wonderful. well, almost everyone is wonderful, especially the grandfather.

    I say "snap out of it" a lot

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  6. Whatever, hussy. You know you wanted to spell it, "DuCOCKus."

    Don't lie.

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  7. That movie has been all over cable lately, that must have been what started this.

    My life is ruled by the great line from The Godfather...

    "Leave the gun, take the canoli"

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  8. someone tried to tell me Steel Magnolias had all the answers -- all it did was made me cry --- want answer you gotta go to the itallians.... life's messy -- i love it!!

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  9. **leaves horse head**

    **sneaks away**

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  10. if a healthy "SNAP OUT OF IT" can't be delivered in person, my best friends deliever these by email on a regular basis

    *SLAP* <--------

    they work suprisingly well

    *chomping on a canoli*

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  11. Love that movie...but I like the first time Rose talks about love:

    Rose: Do you love him, Loretta?
    Loretta Castorini: No.
    Rose: Good. When you love them they drive you crazy because they know they can.

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  12. Hee, I had that and then deleted it.

    There are so many things to love in this movie.

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  13. Chrissy, over on the wall, bring me the big knife. I want to cut my throat.

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  14. The only thing Italian I'm into is food.

    ...Celine

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  15. @Charlane:

    "I should have taken a rock and killed myself years ago!"

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  16. Nick Cage cracked me up int aht movie with his wood hand

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  17. I wouldn't date a man who used the Godfather.. I mean I haven't.. um, I won't.. I don't have those inclinations either way. Men or ones who use the Godfather.

    I tend to use John Hughes movies.
    Like Some Kind of Wonderful.

    On women:
    Watts: Don't go mistaking paradise for a pair of long legs.

    Philosophy:
    Keith Nelson: You can't tell a book by its cover.
    Watts: No, but you can tell how much it's gonna cost you.
    Keith Nelson: Wow, I never knew you were so deep.
    Watts: You want shallow, call Amanda Jones.

    Politics:
    Duncan: I'm here to kick your ass, and you know it, and everybody here knows it, and above all, you deserve it. In fact, I think it's safe to say that this party is about to become a historical fact.

    Feminism:
    Watts: Ray, this is 1987. Did you know a girl can be whatever she wants to be?
    Ray: I know. My mom's a plumber.
    Watts: That explains a lot about you, Ray.

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  18. I get by with

    Jeff Spicoli: I dont know
    and with a little help from the Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch

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  19. I saw "Moonstruck" and I remember that I liked it, but that's all I remember. About the movie, I mean.

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  20. Buckaroon Banzai had profound lines in it too!

    Did you ever see "The Guru"?

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  21. This here Norwegian dated an Italian girl for well over a year. I love most things Italian, but I gotta agree with Bill Bryson on this:

    "...the Italians should never, ever have been let in on the invention of the motor car."

    They are crazy.

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  22. Pulp Fiction on being prepared:

    Jules: We should have shotguns for this kind of deal.
    Vincent: How many up there?
    Jules: Three or four.
    Vincent: That's countin' our guy?
    Jules: Not sure.
    Vincent: So that means there could be up to five guys up there?
    Jules: It's possible.
    Vincent: We should have fuckin' shotguns.

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  23. It's hard for this Italian to follow up advise from Pulp Fiction. I'm afraid I don't have words of wisdom. I would simply say watch out for the older, fat italians driving Cadillacs. Yeah.

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  24. Oh, God, I love this movie! Thanks for reminding me--I just put it at the top of my Netflix queue. Come to think of it, I'm pretty much loving your blog, which I just discovered this morning. Thanks for being here!

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